My husband and I have been married for more than five years and have a three-year-old son. We both have stable jobs and are fairly independent so we discussed moving out of my husband’s family home to live on our own. Their home is only a few kilometers away, close enough for weekend visits but the decision upset my mother-in-law.
We tried to talk to her gently at first, explaining that we wanted to be independent and take care of our own lives. She did not agree but we eventually decided to move out anyway.
Disagreements with a mother-in-law are a common source of family strain. Illustration photo by Pexels |
After that, her attitude changed noticeably. She believed I had persuaded my husband to leave the family home. She became cold toward me and directed her anger toward my parents.
On one occasion, when my parents visited my husband’s family home for a longevity celebration for an elderly relative, my mother-in-law mostly ignored them.
When my parents came over for Lunar New Year greetings, she refused to move from her seat, her unhappy expression impossible to miss.
Since then, she has not visited our home and has not come to give New Year greetings to my parents’ side of the family, even though the two homes are only about 10 kilometers apart.
My father-in-law would stop by occasionally to see his grandson. For an entire year, my mother-in-law did not visit our home once despite the short distance. Sometimes I encourage myself that less contact means fewer conflicts and less to worry about.
But during my son’s recent birthday, I truly felt hurt.
It was the first time I had organized a small party for him and invited relatives from both sides of the family.
My husband and I also went to invite his parents in person but when the day came, she did not show up. Later I learned that she had gone to visit an acquaintance that day instead.
In my hometown, families are usually very close. In-laws often visit one another, and during holidays, celebrations, or grandchildren’s birthdays, relatives typically gather if they live nearby. It often makes me feel sad about my own situation.
Although I try to think that fewer interactions may mean fewer worries about my husband’s family, I sometimes look at my son and feel heartbroken thinking about the bond between grandparents and grandchildren.
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