Family is great, but more often than not, you’re forced to care about each other because, well… you’re family. Friends, on the other hand, are your chosen community. True friends are cheerleaders, sources of comfort, comedians, and confidants.
But what happens when you don’t have friends, or you struggle in social situations, and don’t feel comfortable making friends?
A neurodivergent woman on TikTok opened up about the reality of not having many close friends in her life.
A neurodivergent woman explained how it feels to know that she’s not anyone’s best friend.
Responding to a comment from a follower who shared that she’s “never been a priority friend”, Sav, @chanelsavy on TikTokadmitted that she’s in a similar boat.
“I’m not anybody’s best friend,” she said. “I’m not involved in a friend group, and I basically am the emergency friend.”
She explained that she’s no one’s “priority friend” and only gets called when someone else isn’t available.
“If somebody cancels and it’s a last-minute invite that needs to be filled, then I’ll get invited,” Sav said. “But nine times out of ten, I am not the friend that is invited right off the bat. I don’t belong to a robust friend group, and I really don’t belong to a friend group at all.”
The woman admitted that going through life without a best friend feels isolating.
“I don’t have anybody that calls me their best friend,” she shared. “This can be pretty isolating sometimes because society puts a lot of pressure on us to have like a best friend and to definitely have a friend group.”
According to a 2023 Pew Research Survey61% of U.S. adults say having close friends is extremely or very important for living a fulfilling life, yet 8% report having no close friends at all.
“I know we’ve talked about if I were to get married, my side of the wedding would be basically empty and void except for three friends, so that’s my life of being the backup friend,” Sav added.
The same survey found that 53% of adults say that they have between one and four close friends. When it comes to friendships, quality is far more important than quantity, and finding just one or two individuals who you trust is most important.
Many people struggle to make friends in adulthood.
Whether you’re neurodivergent or not, making friends as an adult can be challenging. Without the forced socializing that school and college provide, it can be difficult to put yourself out there and make connections.
As such, people are spending an increasing amount of time alone. Research shows that Americans tend to spend less than three hours a week with friends, compared to more than six hours a decade ago.
Yet friendship is important. Although Sav has found peace without close friends, these relationships enrich your life and even benefit your health.
So, if you relate to Sav’s video, consider stepping out of your comfort zone to find your best friend — because they are out there.
Sign up for a class — be it workout, pottery, cooking, or anything else where you are surrounded by people who both share your interests and are looking to socialize. Go to open mics and karaoke events at bars. Mingle with people at house parties. Make a conscious effort to find your community.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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