The other morning, I woke up with the hangover of all hangovers. (Note to self: Never a wise idea to catch up for a “casual” drink with an ex-boyfriend. Oooft.)
It had all the makings of a day wasted in bed. Headache (tick), fatigue (tick), and a strange sense of arousal (tick).
This last one was only fueled further by a text from said ex-boyfriend saying, “You looked so hot last night.”
Good morning, libido.
As I lay there in a cloud of sordid thoughts, a brief question popped into my head: Am I the only one who gets ridiculously horny the morning after a few too many cocktails?
Later that afternoon, I slurped the elixir of life (a Bloody Mary) in a dark pub with friends and began to ask around. Turns out I wasn’t alone in experiencing this “hangover horn.”
I had wrongly assumed it was just men (and, for some reason, myself) who felt it the next day.
I know, a bit biased, but let’s be honest — blokes could be in the middle of battle and still be up for it if you gave them the old wink and nod.
So I was happily relieved to discover that my lady friends also found the hangover horn to be a common occurrence after a big night. Seriously, the results were 100 percent yes.
One friend admitted her orgasms seem extra intense with a hangover. Huh, me too.
Another friend joked that it was her body telling her it was dying and must quickly reproduce to avoid extinction. I mean, dramatic but insightful.
Curious about this phenomenon, I dug a little deeper into the science. It turns out research supports my experience. Huzzah — turns out we’re all hangover hornbags.
But let me give you my theory before I get to the scientific reasoning.
I think we could be feeling randy because of the sexual arousal still lingering from the night before. The night where we practically gave ourselves blue balls (can girls get blue balls?) with the outrageous amount of flirting we took part in without any follow-through. Reliving the back-and-forth banter, flirty gazes and cheeky innuendo gets us all hot and bothered.
Science, however, says one of the main reasons we feel this way is because of dopamine. Yes, that cheeky little neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure and motivation.
When we drink too much, we deplete our body’s dopamine reserves, and the next morning, we find ourselves madly trying to restore it back to a healthy level.
Our bodies send the message that sex equals dopamine, so why not give it a shot? Cheeky, cheeky body.
Another reason is that our cortisol levels are through the roof. This hormone regulates our stress response and plays a big part in that “hangxiety” we feel the next day. When our cortisol levels are high (thanks, alcohol), we feel so anxious that we’ll do anything to distract ourselves from bad thoughts, and what’s a better distraction than sex? Hence the urgent need for it.
Finally, we might be experiencing “hangover horn” because the alcohol from the night before could still be in our system, making us feel more sexually adventurous.
Anyone who has woken up next to someone they really shouldn’t have slept with knows that all too well.
So sure, a HydraLyte, aspirin or Bloody Mary might help in the short term, but what if a good roll in the hay turned out to be the ultimate hangover cure?
There’s this week’s to-do list sorted: Find boyfriend (or unbox vibrator). Because nobody should suffer through another hangover without an orgasm. No one.
Honestly, Gandhi’s got nothing on my advice.
Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking
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