Whether you’re noticing red flags in a friendship or suspecting some fakeness behind a loved one’s “nice persona,” there are certain signs you can look for to determine the authenticity of the relationships in your life.
According to psychology coach Graysonthere are certain signs that can help you better understand the people in your life, revealing those who aren’t truly and unconditionally there to support you. He offered four red flags to watch out to help you identify if there are any users in your life.
A psychology coach offered 4 signs that someone is only using you to get ahead in life:
1. They only contact you when they need something
The most common sign of a “fake” friend is their selfishness. An easy way to test if one of your nearest and dearest is only in it for themselves is to stop texting them and see how long it takes for them to reach out.
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Does this person ever call or text you just to check in or make plans for quality time? Or are they only contacting you when they need support or a favor?
You’re not just important to people when you can give them something. You deserve respect, support, and love from your friends. Anyone who makes you prove your worth or plays tit for tat in your friendship isn’t your friend.
2. They’re only nice to people with power and status
Some people’s superficial standards and expectations about friendships are centered on transactions — whether it’s a material good or a feeling they experience when around others, they’re only looking to cultivate partnerships with people who can provide them with something.
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If you’re feeling like your friend or loved one only wants to be around you when you have something exciting going on or are “thriving” in your life, that might be a red flag.
It’s possible they’re struggling with personal insecurities or are even looking for a sense of security in another person’s status or power, but at the end of the day, it’s superficial.
Find people who make you feel loved, regardless of what you have or the perceived “power” you hold.
3. When they’re with you, they only ever talk badly about others
“Chances are,” Grayson said, “they’re doing the same thing with others about you.” While occasional gossip with close friends can be healthy in many cases, only bringing negative talk about others into your relationships is toxic — and telling.
Psychiatrist Dr. Amen on TikTok explained that emotionally intelligent and confident people only cultivate friendships with people who respect them, love them unconditionally, and don’t treat their partnership in a transactional way.
“They have self-discipline,” he added. “They only do nice things for people who treat them with respect. If you can reinforce that… your whole world will change.”
4. They only talk about their problems and never ask about you
Columbia Health’s “Go Ask Alice!” forum houses similar experiences for friends feeling “used” in their relationships and seeking advice from professionals about how to set healthy boundaries.
“It feels like I’m always walking around with the weight of their worlds on my shoulders,” one writer wrote. “I like being thought ‘wise’ for the advice I give, but I often feel used.”
If you’re constantly the “therapist” friend, feel unheard in conversations, or feel resentment for never having the same space to vent, you might need to reevaluate your relationships.
While it might not be their intention, these friends are using you — whether it’s to help their own mental health, get advice, or simply relish in the support of a friend who’s always willing to listen.
You deserve space, time, energy, and unconditional love from your friends and family. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, unheard, or drained after hanging out with these people, it might be time to reconsider how important this connection is to your well-being.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories
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