Going to college is a time of major transition for anyone. Some aspects of the change come more easily than others. Some may struggle with socializing, while others find college is the perfect environment to spread their wings.
Apparently, moms who are worried about their kids’ social abilities have found a workaround to help them. Taking to Facebook, these helicopter parents are trying to set up playdates for their adult children to ensure they have companionship during their college years.
Moms of college students are setting up playdates for their children.
A TikTok content creator and mom named Kelly makes videos sharing the funny things she finds in Facebook groups for college parents. A recent find centered on a mom who was worried about her daughter’s social life.
“Alright, from the Facebook college parents’ group, we have another post,” Kelly said. “I thought it was just the boy moms that were asking for playdates for their boys, but no, it’s not. I guess it’s a gender-neutral need.”
“This one girl mom is saying that her daughter hasn’t made any friends, and she feels that it’s very cliquey,” she continued. “Granted, girls are like that.”
Kelly was truly rattled by the information she shared next. “She legit gave her daughter’s dorm, um, and all that … information for where your daughter spends a lot of time potentially alone,” she said.
“Why would you give that information about your child?” Kelly asked.
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“Anyway,” she said, “I understand the concern. I do. But yeah, she’s looking for a playdate for her daughter. Her adult daughter.”
Kelly continued, “I’m not entirely sure if her daughter knows she’s, you know, trying to be set up on a playdate. So I would love to know that.”
Apparently, people in the Facebook group did not have much sympathy for the concerned mom.
“In the comments, she did kind of get, like, ripped to shreds,” Kelly noted.
“Just kind of feel like there’s something slightly illegal about this,” she concluded.
Social skills are part of the education gained at college.
While it makes sense that parents worry about their kids and want them to have solid friendships, it’s important for them to learn to develop these skills themselves.
An article published in the Social Innovations Journal by David Castro and Cynda Clyde stated, “Employers understand that education and experience do not merely impact academic knowledge and intellectual skills. College education also provides a foundation for social and emotional development and psychological maturation.”
Castro and Clyde went on to describe how this social development can be gained through extracurricular activities, posing the question, “How much focus should we place on organizing institutionally sponsored activities so that they are supported with appropriate opportunities for training specifically targeted at social and emotional development, including models that encourage reflection, dialogue and learning about the psychosocial elements of social experiences?”
Castro and Clyde argued that social learning is an essential component of college, especially outside of the classroom. This question was meant to cause those institutions to ponder what can be done to facilitate this learning.
Social skills have to be learned individually by each person.
It seems like what parents, like the mom from this Facebook post, are trying to do is handle social skills for their children. However, you cannot learn social skills for someone else.
For example, Michigan Technological University listed five things as “basic social skills:” eye contact, body language, verbal communication, active listening, and rapport building.
These are not things you can do on behalf of someone else. Rather, Michigan Tech said, “The most important elements to enhance your social skills? Practice and ask people you trust for feedback!”
Cultivating friendships, which they call a “common social skill,” cannot be done by someone else for you. Only you can make friends and build those relationships. When you’re first on your own in college, you have a wonderful opportunity to do this.
While this mom surely meant well, it’s best for her to take a step back and let her daughter do the work.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.
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