Nobody likes getting ghosted but a new report has revealed why your potential match may not be texting you back.
Dating app Hinge released a report saying there are huge misconceptions about dating someone with ADHD, particularly when it comes to texting habits.
The first is that someone is ghosting them on purpose but in reality, 43 percent of ADHD daters forget to respond to matches. It can be a huge burden on the person with ADHD with 71 percent of Hinge users expecting a response within 24 hours.
It’s left one in three ADHD daters feeling misunderstood when their slow or lack of response is taken as disinterest.
The report also revealed 40 percent of ADHD dates feel overwhelmed when messaging a match.
Tarah Elizabeth Clark, an ADHD content creator based on the Gold Coast, revealed this has been a hurdle in her relationship with her partner Barry.
“Forgetting to respond has definitely been a hurdle. There have been times when Barry will send a message or mention something important, and it slips my mind entirely, especially if I’m focused on something else. Or I’ll respond in my head, thinking I already replied,” Ms Clark told news.com.au.
“To manage this, Barry knows he can nudge me without it feeling like a big deal, and I’ve set up reminder notifications to keep track of important conversations.
“We’ve found that humour helps lighten the mood when it happens, and having a routine for checking in has made a big difference in making sure nothing important falls through the cracks.”
It’s not the only hurdle the couple has faced. Ms Clark said she communicates and experiences her emotions differently and that makes understanding each other more complicated.
“I can also experience rejection sensitivity, meaning I feel things more deeply, especially around feedback or perceived criticism, which Barry and I have had to navigate with a lot of patience. I can also be impulsive, making quick decisions that might seem out of the blue,” she said.
Open and understanding communication has helped them overcome a lot and the couple regularly have check-ins to make sure they’re on the same page. Ms Clark said it also helps that her partner is incredibly supportive and that allows her to feel as though it’s safe to open up.
Ms Clark said it’s important to give yourself grace and communicate your needs with your partner — but most of all it’s important to find someone who doesn’t see your ADHD as a flaw.
Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert, Moe Ari Brown, told news.com.au dating is tricky for anyone but there are unique challenges for ADHD daters.
“Distraction, overstimulation, and feeling overwhelmed can all make it hard to stay engaged in digital conversations. Sometimes, a dater with ADHD genuinely wants to connect, but they might forget to reply or lose track of the conversation,” Brown, who uses they/he pronouns, told news.com.au.
“Hinge’s Love and ADHD D.A.T.E. Report showed that 43 percent of Hinge daters with ADHD often forget to respond to matches, which can make matches make the misconception they’re not interested.
“Their intentions can often be misinterpreted, leading to confusion on both sides. Seventy five per cent of Hinge daters with ADHD feel misunderstood by their matches.”
Brown said it helps to be upfront about your communication style off the bat and that, for those on the receiving end, kindness and curiosity goes a long way.
“If your date isn’t responding as quickly as you’d expect, try not to assume they’re not interested,” Brown said.
“ADHD can make it hard for people to keep up, even if they genuinely like you! One thing I always encourage is to ask open-hearted questions, like, ‘Hey, I noticed that you sometimes don’t reply to my message. Is there another way of communicating that you prefer? I’d love to chat with you more consistently and keep getting to know you’.
“This approach shows care and curiosity without jumping to conclusions, and it invites honest communication.”
Ari Brown said it’s important to give relationships time to find a groove, saying the pressure to respond immediately in the modern dating world.
“For daters with ADHD, I’d recommend transitioning from chatting to meeting in person sooner rather than later – around three days is the sweet spot, according to our Hinge data,” Brown said.
“It helps move the connection forward and avoids getting stuck in an endless messaging loop. I also recommend spending some time exploring how ADHD impacts your behaviours in relationships. Once you have identified the impact, you can create internal tools to minimise the impact and communicate your needs to future dates.”
The connection expert said that, for daters without ADHD, patience is key.
“If your date is taking longer to respond or gets distracted, don’t take it personally. Instead, stay curious and explore ways to support your connection through any communication challenges,” Brown said.
“Everyone communicates differently. Check-in, ask how they prefer to stay in touch, and be understanding of their pace. The beauty of dating is learning how to blend two different styles into something that works for both of you.”
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