We are both 39 years old and have a 10-year-old child. Originally from the countryside, my wife moved to Ho Chi Minh City for her studies and then stayed to work. When we first married, we lived together with my parents.
My mother, a homemaker, does not work outside. Early on, there were conflicts between her and my wife. My mother described my wife as stubborn, criticizing her for raising our child according to her own ideas. Once, she even scolded my wife in front of my father and me, leaving the three of us silent while she spoke alone. Since that incident, my wife became more reserved, speaking less to everyone in the house. After work, she handled the household chores and took care of our child without asking my parents for any help.
At one point, my wife suggested we rent a place of our own, but I told her: “If our relatives in the countryside see us living separately while my parents’ house has enough space, they might think my parents aren’t treating their daughter-in-law well.”
My wife didn’t respond to this.
Three years ago, my wife proposed that she and our child move to a separate apartment, giving me the option to stay with my parents or join her. Naturally, I chose to move with her and our child. Our apartment is only about a kilometer from my parents’ house. I cover two-thirds of our household expenses, while my wife contributes the remaining third, as she manages childcare and household tasks. I work three days in Ho Chi Minh City and three days in nearby Vung Tau, which makes it difficult for me to take on those responsibilities.
Since moving out, my wife only prepares meals to invite her family over, seldom including my side of the family.
My parents, missing their grandchild, have visited us a few times. They often arrive unannounced, knocking on the door without informing my wife beforehand. This has upset my wife, and she feels it shows a lack of respect.
In the past three years, my wife has only visited my parents’ home once. Even during Tet Lunar New Year, she simply bought a gift basket and asked me to take it to them. My son, too, doesn’t have a close relationship with his paternal grandparents. Many times, I’ve wanted to take him to visit them, but he refuses, saying he doesn’t want to go.
How can I help improve the relationship between my wife and my parents?
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