Postpartum is a very challenging time for many new moms. From physical challenges and hormonal changes to the stress of caring for a newborn and, more often than not, sleep deprivation, it can be overwhelming.
Yet one husband insisted that his wife must contribute more, despite recently giving birth.
A husband told his wife, who is 5 months postpartum and on maternity leave, that she needs to ‘earn her keep.’
“I’m currently on paid maternity leave with our five-month-old,” the new mom explained in her Reddit post. “Although I’m not making as much as my husband, it’s not minimum wage.”
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“I’m the main one taking care of our baby partly because she is (exclusively breastfeeding) but also because my husband’s job is very demanding,” she continued. “He also does investments (in) his free time and this usually takes up most of his evenings.”
While the mom is fine with this arrangement, it does have its ups and downs.
“That means I’m taking care of baby 24/7 with very little time off,” she added. “I never know when I get the chance to relax and when I have to pull an all-nighter.”
She already does the majority of the housework.
“We split house chores but I do most of it,” she said of her and her husband. “It’s more like 70/30, used to be 60/40.”
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Yet, during a conversation about selling things that they don’t use to earn some extra cash, her husband downplayed all that she does around the house and as a parent.
“He then said I’m not ‘earning my keep’ and I’m wasting money by keeping things we don’t need,” she recounted
This woman was understandably upset when her husband suggested she wasn’t doing enough.
“I really think it’s way out of line for him to claim I’m not earning my keep as if I’m not contributing enough, but I’m unsure how to continue this discussion without it turning into a major fight,” she admitted.
“In my mind, when he said what he said, it immediately went to the thought that he thinks since he’s bringing in extra money outside of his day job then I should too, and now I’m ‘just sitting at home anyway,’” she continued. “He hasn’t said this exactly, but he has made comments that imply this is how he thinks.”
She added that she doesn’t think her husband realizes how much constant work a baby requires, as the longest he’s been alone with their daughter is just five hours, three of which she was sleeping.
“I did try to continue the discussion, and it seems that he’s mainly worried about our spending habits,” she said. “We’ve been buying a lot of new stuff for the baby … and it stresses him out that our savings are taking a dip.”
“I’m still waiting for an apology,” she concluded.
Clearly, this husband does not appreciate his wife’s effort.
Caring for a newborn is a lot of work, as it’s completing the lion’s share of housework. Yet it seems like this husband ignores his wife’s contributions in favor of demanding more.
While money is important, it is not the only way to contribute to a family. He should not minimize her efforts simply because they look different than his.
According to Lancaster General Healththe best way to help out a new mom is to simply get involved and do what needs to be done. Help with feedings and pull your weight around the house. Ask her what she needs and offer her breaks.
Instead, this man is focusing on what more he thinks his wife could do and has chosen to be almost completely uninvolved. This surely isn’t a sustainable pattern moving forward.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
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