Giving birth can be a scary and overwhelming thing to think about. From the pain to possible risks, it’s imperative for all expecting mothers to do their research, speak with medical and birthing professionals, and come up with a plan that best serves their needs.
One mom-to-be felt this way, leading her to want to avoid giving birth naturally at all costs. Her boyfriend, however, had other ideas.
A pregnant woman desperately wanted to have a C-section, but her boyfriend disagreed.
A friend of an expectant couple posted on Reddit seeking advice. They said Ben and Kate were in a tough spot after disagreeing on a pretty important issue, and it was putting them, as their friend, in an “awkward situation.”
“Kate and Ben are expecting their first baby in one month,” they explained. “Two months ago Kate announced to Ben she wants to book a C-section because, one, baby is oversized, two, Kate’s mom is willing to cover the whole procedure with private care and doesn’t want her to go through the pains of giving birth (and) three, she is scared due to the stories her new mom friends told her about their experience at a public hospital.”
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While many partners would choose to be supportive and let the pregnant person make that decision, the dad-to-be did not feel very accommodating.
“Ben is very against the C-section,” they said. “He insists that, one, it will ruin her body, two, she will no longer be able to give birth naturally (and) three, the recovery time from the surgery is worse than natural birth.”
“However, of course, if the surgery is necessary on the day, there will be no argument (about) that,” they clarified.
Considering the poster already mentioned that the baby is oversized, having a C-section is already on the table.
Ultimately, the question is, does Ben have a dog in this fight? Of course, he is entitled to his opinion, and it’s definitely important for both parents to talk about their birth plan, but Ben isn’t the one actually delivering.
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For her part, the mom-to-be isn’t taking no for an answer.
“Kate insists on the surgery, saying that she will most likely end up in hours of pain, and then end up with the C-section anyway,” they stated. “What’s the point of suffering if a C-section is an option, and it will be covered financially?”
Still, he won’t relent. “Ben keeps refusing,” they said.
“Personally, I try to be as (neutral) as possible,” they continued. “But this has been an ongoing argument and I am running out of things to say to both of them. It’s getting more heated because she has a few weeks to book the C-section.”
The friend did add an update to the post, insisting that Ben’s concerns about Kate’s body were not aesthetic.
“I apologize (for) incorrectly writing the part of “ruining her body” as a body-shaming part,” they said. “It is what he says, but I am sure he is concerned about what a C-section would do to her insides, not what it necessarily would be like on the outside.”
“Ben is very traditional,” they continued. “His mother gave birth to three children naturally, and I am guessing he is basing his thoughts on what he knows and how he was raised.”
Several commenters asked about what doctors thought was best for Kate.
“Natural birth is a green light, baby is great and healthy (and) mother is as well,” they explained. “There was no push for the surgery from the medical side. This C-section is mostly her desire.”
Use of C-sections voluntarily is controversial.
According to a study from the Journal of Perinatal Education32.8% of births in the United States are done by C-section.
However, it is not without its risks. “Overuse of (C-section) is widely recognized as problematic because it increases neonatal and maternal morbidity and mortality,” the study said.
While many women are choosing to have C-sections, this might not be the best option.
“Recently, maternal demand has been identified as a significant factor driving (C-section) usage rates,” the study noted. “This finding is problematic because it assumes that women’s birthing choices are a matter of unrestricted preferences.”
Based on this information, some of Ben’s concerns about a C-section could very well be valid. However, it is ultimately not his choice to make.
He is not the mother, nor is he the doctor.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
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