During a family meeting in Nov. 2024, her in-laws announced they would give her husband a plot of land with the condition it would be in his name to “avoid potential legal complications.”
This request left the 36-year-old “stunned and embarrassed and feeling humiliated like a traitor.”
She says for over 12 years since her marriage she had taken over her mother-in-law’s responsibilities in the house and the family line. When her in-laws were ill she took meticulous care of them. In front of relatives, her mother-in-law would say she “treated her daughter-in-law like her own daughter.”
“I felt ostracized,” Anh says. “That was also when I realized I need to live more for myself, not sacrificing further for my husband’s family.”
A person holding a house and a key. Illustration photo by Pixabay |
Nguyen Thi Dao Luu, a psychology lecturer at Van Lang University, Ho Chi Minh City, believes that Anh’s resentment towards her husband or his family stems from the disappointment of not being recognized and reciprocated.
However, it may not be a wise thing to show her discomfort since the more she does so the more it could reinforce an impression that “she married for her husband’s family’s property,” the expert warns.
She says the daughter-in-law needs to be calm and tactful in managing personal emotions. If she married her husband for love, she should continue loving and caring for her in-laws because a harmonious marriage benefits both husband and wife.
When her husband’s family discussed dividing properties and making titles for them a year earlier, Tu Phuong in Quang Nam Province in Central Vietnam was unaware. Only after everything was settled did the 40-year-old woman’s husband inform her that “the property, the result of my parents’ labor and effort, belongs to them.”
When she confided in a close friend, Phuong was advised not to overthink it since the land belonging to her husband’s family was never hers. But she says she is not greedy and is only hurt even now by her husband and his family’s behavior when she thinks about it.
Nguyen Hong Thai of international law firm Hong Thai and Associates says Phuong’s friend is right. If her in-laws decide to give their son a plot of land or any other asset, it becomes the husband’s separate property, and the wife has no co-ownership rights. In case of divorce, this property is not subject to division.
Over 17 years of marriage Ngoc of Thanh Hoa Province in Northern Vietnam had a good relationship with her in-laws. She also contributed to building a house on her husband’s family land many years ago. But when registering the ownership of the land and house, her in-laws firmly refused to include her name in it.
This affected her marital relationship. Her husband said the land belongs to his parents and they have the right to give it to anyone, and the daughter-in-law has no right to make demands on it.
Ngoc pointed out that her husband’s family discriminated against her, treating her like an outsider. Her biggest fear is that if she is divorced in future, she would be empty-handed.
But Thai the lawyer notes that according to the Law on Marriage and Family 2014, money contributed to the construction of a house is considered joint marital property, and the wife has the right to demand a share of it in the event of a divorce.
Even if there are no documents to prove this, evidence such as text messages, emails, bank transaction documents, or witness statements are sufficient, he says.
“If the house was built on land owned by the husband’s family (separate property of the in-laws), a claim can still be made for the reimbursement of the value contributed to building the house,” he adds.
Anh has no intention of fighting or demanding any rights, but her relationship with her husband’s family has cooled down since signing the property renunciation document. Initially she felt sad and pained, but once she calmed down Anh learned to love herself more and started to create her own savings.
Phuong accepts the reality that, no matter how hard a daughter-in-law tries, she will be seen as an outsider by her husband’s family.
“Now I truly understand the saying ‘blood is thicker than water.’”
With nearly 20 years of experience in handling property divisions, especially related to land, Thai thinks this is a sensitive issue that can cause conflicts in families. So, when dividing property, parents should be open and transparent from the start with their children, explaining the reasons and methods of division.
“A family meeting can help everyone understand the parents’ wishes and avoid misunderstandings later,” he suggests.
He says that once a decision to gift property is made, parents should prepare a deed of gift or a notarized will to avoid disputes later. If the property is to be registered in both the son and daughter-in-law’s names, this should be clearly stated to ensure both parties’ rights are protected, he explains. The parents can consult a lawyer to ensure the property division is lawful and fair.
“With mutual love, tolerance and understanding, no injustice will occur within the family.”
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