There are various reasons that even the most self-respecting people may have a lack of boundaries they set for themselves. Whether it be people-pleasing tendencies or a fear of rejection, some people may believe that having no boundaries will prevent them from ever having to be on their own. However, establishing boundaries is essential to our well-being and will only improve our relationships with others without subjecting ourselves to burnout.
When people lack boundaries, they may engage in behaviors that undermine their overall well-being and lead to negative consequences. Here are just a few examples of those behaviors.
5 behaviors people fall prey to when they lack boundaries with themselves:
According to New York Psychotherapist and Leadership and Wellness Keynote speaker Israa Nasirthere are specific behavioral patterns people who lack boundaries often engage in without considering the long term. Here are five specific behaviors to watch out for.
1. Overcommitment to others
People with no boundaries often find it difficult to say no to people. Therefore, they find themselves saying “yes” to nearly every proposal the people in their lives run by them. This could be going out to dinner with a friend even if you’re tight on money or promising your partner you’ll spend the day with them when you are completely exhausted and could really use a day to yourself.
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However, making yourself constantly available to people only gives them permission to steamroll right over your boundaries, which worsens your overall health.
According to research from Harvard Business Centerovercommitment can increase one’s stress levels, contribute to lack of sleep, and lead to burnout. It is impossible to cater to everyone’s demands while running on empty. Even if you don’t want to disappoint anyone, you must make your boundaries clear on what you can and cannot commit to as a favor to yourself.
2. Ignoring your emotions
It is common for those who lack boundaries to put their own feelings on the back burner to accommodate others. For example, if you’re feeling particularly stressed with work and your friend calls you up and says they need to gab about something in their life, you’ll grit your teeth and allow them to do so despite the fact that you can barely keep up with your own emotions.
However, you owe it to yourself to acknowledge and validate your feelings, even if it means putting others aside. Neglecting your emotions can lead to disconnection from yourself, stunted emotional growth, and even impact your physical health. Before making room for anyone else’s feelings, you need to make sure you tend to your own.
3. Attitude of self-neglect
Even if you’re not constantly tending to others, neglecting your own personal needs is a sign that you lack boundaries.
Regularly failing to get enough sleep, proper nutrition, and exercise is a tell-tale sign that you may prioritize your external demands over your own well-being.
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Before you tend to anything else, you should aim to take care of yourself by getting 8 hours of sleep, 30 minutes of walking, and eating a balanced diet (while occasionally indulging in a sweet treat because you deserve it!) Even if it may be difficult to keep up with some days, you are worthy of providing yourself with the necessary self-care that will make you feel like you’re on top of the world!
4. Self-critical thoughts
Poor self-boundaries may contribute to a lack of self-compassion and an excessively harsh inner dialogue.
You may find yourself being overly critical of yourself for the most minor mistakes and decisions. This may be because, without clear limits on what you’re willing to accept from others, you tend to internalize their expectations and judgments, constantly feeling as if you aren’t good enough.
For example, if you are unable to meet the needs and expectations of those around you, you may engage in a lot of self-blame for not being able to do so, no matter how impossible it may be. Even though we may be our own worst critics, it is important to give ourselves some grace. We may not be able to fulfill everyone’s expectations all of the time, but we are doing the best we can while making sure our own well-being is in check.
5. Difficulty saying ‘no’
Even if you are stretched thin and can hardly catch your breath, if you lack personal boundaries, you may find yourself refusing to say “no” to people, no matter how uncomfortable they are making you feel.
“Want to go out for drinks even though you have a run tomorrow morning?” “Sure!”
“Can you watch my kids this weekend while I run some errands?” “No problem!”
While your mouth is saying yes to these questions, internally, you may be screaming, “No!” “Enough!” “I need a moment to myself!”
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However, you may believe that being honest with people is unfair or rude. If you do, it is time to retire this mindset. No human being can be everywhere all at once to accommodate everyone’s requests.
If there is something that you know you won’t be able to handle or makes you uncomfortable, let people know that. It is not unkind to set reasonable boundaries that will only benefit your well-being in the long run.
There is no quick fix to going from no boundaries to establishing personal boundaries. It will take time and effort to start enforcing them and make sure your loved ones are well aware of them. Even though it may take work, you owe it to yourself to engage in self-care and reflection in order to live a fulfilled and happy life.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.
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