Everyone is feeling burned out and a little frayed lately, making it easy to let anger and frustration become the default emotions. The “Empty Boat Theory” offers a mindset shift to avoid wasting time on reactionary emotions and taking things personally.
The “Empty Boat Theory,” originally a Taoist parable, is quite simple. Anytime you are about to fly off the handle, thinking someone has wronged you, imagine instead that the hurt you are feeling was caused unintentionally by an unmanned empty boat. People who live by this mindset pause before letting frustration and disappointment take control of their lives.
People who live by the ’empty boat theory’ avoid wasting precious time and energy on taking things personally.
“There’s this theory that I’ve been absolutely obsessed with,” a content creator named Sean explained in his TikTok video. [It’s] called the ’empty boat theory.’ You’re out on the lake enjoying a relaxing afternoon with your family, your friends. Everybody’s having a great time.”
Sean described an amazing boat day where you’re laughing and having fun. Suddenly, you see another boat off in the distance, and it’s cutting across the water in a way that seems dangerous. At one point, it looks as if it will crash into you. You immediately start getting frustrated at the idea that this random boater might ruin your day out on the water.
“As he’s getting closer, you get more worked up until the last second, you turn your boat to avoid being hit,” Sean continued. “You look over, and there’s nobody in the boat, and what happened to your anger? It immediately dissipates.”
Changing your mindset about feelings of anger and frustration can improve your life.
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The Empty Boat Theory suggests that we go through life angry and frustrated at circumstances and situations. But that’s just life. We tend to assume that everything is about us and that we’re being unfairly targeted by some unseen force. Most of the time, though, no one is intentionally trying to harm you. We lose that perspective, however.
New York Times bestselling author and speaker Sahil Bloom explained, “In life, you’re going to experience countless collisions. With people. With environments. With chance circumstances outside your control. Each of these collisions will threaten to derail you. To stoke the fire of anger, stress, and frustration. To knock you off your path.” He went on to say, “The truth is that the negative emotions that grow inside you are rarely from the collision itself, but from your perception of the negative intent behind the collision.”
That’s where the Empty Boat Theory comes into play. When you take out the intent to harm, the anger just disappears. When you realize that the person who cut you off in traffic didn’t intend to do it, in the same way the boat that almost hit you had no one at the helm, you let go of the frustration and just realize things sometimes happen.
If we were to assume more “empty boats,” it would help drastically reduce our stress and anxiety about things that aren’t even in our control. Considering that over half the population around the world has experienced emotional stress, and approximately 85% of countries reported worse psychological stress over the last several years than at any other time, we might all benefit from this mindset shift from the theory.
Most things that crash into us in life are like empty boats.
That person who bumped into you at the bus station or your colleague who missed an important deadline at work, forcing you to pick up the slack, they’re usually not trying to hurt you. Instead, they’re just empty boats, drifting along with their own problems.
It might feel personal in the moment because our plans are being interrupted and our mood is being tested. But when you actually slow down and look closely, there’s often no ill intent behind their actions. Sure, it was inconsiderate, but realizing it wasn’t done to bring you down can truly put things into perspective. We’re all just trying to get by, and sometimes unfortunate things happen. Offering each other a little more patience isn’t just good for our peace; it gives us more time to enjoy a day in our own boat rather than festering in rage.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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