A woman shared online that, while she had previously lived with three different male partners, she started to notice some patterns in things that she didn’t like. Eventually, she realized she’s happiest living alone, as she said, “I decided that I never want to live with a man again.”
Turns out, several older women have reached the same conclusion and are fully supportive of her feelings. One person wrote in the comments, “I was married 50 years. Divorced for 13. I honestly believe that if my ex and l had our own apartments we’d still be together.” They all agreed that this woman is making the best choice for her personal situation.
Here are 5 reasons why a millennial woman is refusing to live with a man again:
1. Living with a man increases her housework
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The millennial woman insisted that one of the reasons she refuses to ever live with a man again is the increased housework. Every couple that lives together knows certain household tasks need to be done. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying the bills, or whatever else, most end up splitting these responsibilities so that each partner does their fair share.
Unfortunately, the split doesn’t always end up feeling fair. The woman explained, “When living with a man I often have to clear beard hair from the bathroom sink, pick up dirty clothes from the floor, wash dishes, be the manager of the house, etc.” She’s certainly not wrong. A study found that husbands create an extra 7 hours of housework each week for their wives.
While the 50-50 chore split sounds ideal, it’s not always the best solution. Jennifer Petriglieri, PhD, explained, “I have found that couples who negotiate logistics well — that is, they are happy with the division of labor, do not resent each other, and can still push forward in their careers — are those who divide tasks deliberately but not necessarily equally.”
2. A man will often eat all the food
This one pretty much boils down to just being inconsiderate. “Men eat all the food,” the woman said. “If I cook to last a few days, they will often eat almost everything very fast, making me have to cook more often, also increasing my labor.”
If you’ve ever felt the pain of prepping a big meal and saving the leftovers just to find out your partner ate it all by the next day, you’re not alone. It might seem petty to “claim” food in a shared household, but it all comes down to setting boundaries. Communicate that you’ve set aside a small portion for them or that you’d rather they didn’t touch the food, and if they do it anyway, you’ve likely got deeper issues to address.
3. Living with a man disrupts her sleep
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The woman wrote, “I’m an extremely light sleeper. Any movement or noise wakes me up, and many men snore. I have my best sleep when I’m alone.” I’m sure many of us have dealt with a snoring friend, family member, or partner, and you know just how terrible the lack of sleep can make you feel the next day. When it happens every night, it can easily breed resentment and irritation.
Dr. Omar Ahmed, a sleep medicine specialist with Houston Methodist, explains, “The first thing I tell my patients is: it’s a two-way street — you both have to be willing to give a little ground. Sleep deprivation is not conducive to relationship building — ask anyone who’s ever had a newborn in the house.”
If your partner snores badly, you have a few options. First, look for signs of sleep apnea, where medical intervention might be necessary. After ruling that out, you can try changing factors like sleep position, bed setup, or using a white noise machine or earplugs. Some people find that their relationships improve greatly simply from sleeping in separate rooms.
4. Living with a man ruins the physical chemistry
According to this woman, “Living together kills the physical chemistry. It’s hard to have that deep desire for someone you see every day. Having periods apart is better to keep the desire alive.” When living with a partner, it can be easy to let the spark fizzle out if you don’t work to maintain it.
Intimacy becomes more like a task on a never-ending to-do list, and that’s not how you want to feel about the person you love. Couples therapist Cyndi Darnell noted, “Maybe you have some time set aside because you’re both busy…but use that time in novel ways. Anything that we acclimate to completely starts to become repetitive, and repetition is the enemy of physical spark.”
5. She doesn’t want to compromise all the time
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It’s her way or the highway, as the woman said, “I don’t want to compromise on anything. I want the decoration my way, I want to decide what’s for dinner, I want to eat dinner and go to bed when I feel like [it].” This may be one of the biggest challenges when moving in with another person: losing full control over your space and your actions.
The Source confirmed, “While both of you are coming from different perspectives, no one’s perspective is more important than the other’s, so compromise in a healthy relationship means both people consistently give up something to come to an agreement. While the compromise may not always be easy, it’s critical and only fair for both people to make sacrifices.”
The key is to stay self-aware and be willing to change. Keep communication open always, and don’t ever assume that someone thinks or feels a certain way. Talk to them, and be sure that both sides are heard.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor’s degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
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