After her 2-year-old was kicked out of daycare, a mother took to Reddit’s “r/Parenting” subreddit seeking advice on what to do next while also throwing blame at the daycare.
She’s a first-time parent and claims to be “heartbroken,” but explained the situation in full detail, even updating the post with a bunch of information to fix the narrative commenters were creating. To start, she talked about the behavioral issue her 2-year-old daughter has been struggling with.
Her 2-year-old was kicked out of daycare because she bangs her head during fits.
The first sentence of her post explained that her 2-year-old daughter is prone to fits. “For a long time, she would pretty aggressively headbang in frustration (usually against the floor). She has gotten a lot better this past year as her communication has improved.”
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Toddlers often become frustrated when they lack the ability to express their feelings.
Toddler are at that in-between stage when their language is developing, but often not rapidly enough to get all their feelings across. That’s why their tantrums can seem so volatile and commonly include head banging. It’s actually a pretty normal behavior, although it can be alarming to adults around them.
Commonly referred to as a “hitting stage,” in order to express their emotions, whether it be anger, frustration, or disappointment, they’ll start hitting or biting. According to The Children’s Mercy Hospital, “Toddlers have more motor control than infants, but don’t yet have a lot of language to communicate what they need or want.”
In a similar fashion, this mom’s daughter seems to express her frustrations through fits, where instead of hitting someone else, she will bang her own head into the floor.
Neuroscientist and childhood neurological specialist Cindy Hovington, PhD, explained, “Most toddlers bang their heads during tantrums, which are a normal part of childhood development. Tantrums occur because kids’ brains are dysregulated — they don’t yet know how to cope with big emotions.” She added, “When a child has a tantrum, there’s often an underlying need they want to communicate. It can be easy for adults to view tantrums as negative behavior, especially when they’re accompanied by aggressive actions, such as head banging, but understand that it’s usually a form of communication, not a choice to be naughty.”
“During daycare, as they would transition from [one] activity to another (or to meal times/sleep times) she would go into a fit a couple of times a day, and she would headbang,” the mom explained. “After the 3rd day, they withdrew her from the facility and told [me] that maybe in a few months, she would be allowed to try again if cleared by a professional and if the therapy service they are contracted with could spare someone to watch over her while she’s there.”
Basically, the toddler was kicked out of the daycare because “[the] director felt she wasn’t ready.” Now, this would have been a valid concern to the mother, had there not been visible improvements within those three days she was there. And honestly, a daycare facility should be very aware of head-banging behaviors in young children. Perhaps this mom has reason to be as upset as he is.
According to NPR, affordable childcare is a never-ending struggle for most families in the U.S. Not only are prices through the roof, but finding high-quality childcare is also a struggle. It’s a never-ending cycle of trying to find affordable childcare, ensuring it’s high-quality, and then waiting for them to accept your application.
The mom believes that the daycare just wanted to avoid a ‘difficult kid.’
“I feel as though they just don’t want to have a difficult kid,” she explained. “They only gave her 3 days and the teacher said she was improving from the first day to the third. We tried to suggest alternatives like starting out 1 hour a day or even waiting in the building and if she acted up we would take her home,” but they stood firm in their ruling.”
She said that going to school brought her daughter out of her shell, and the photos that she saw of her at daycare brought the mom so much joy. She had never been one to play with kids her age, always preferring older kids, but this was the one time she seemed to stray from her comfort zone.
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Lost and confused about what she should do, she asked if there was anything that Reddit could offer that would help her fix her daughter’s behavior or give her an experience similar to the daycare she was kicked out of, but commenters thought there was another problem.
They believed her daughter might be autistic, claiming that the daycare was ill-equipped to handle a child with special needs and that she should instead seek an evaluation to see if she needs those extra accommodations. “I’m not scared of the autistic diagnosis,” she claimed in her update. “I will give my child whatever help she needs to make sure she succeeds.”
She has been under regular evaluations and has seen improvements thanks to her speech development. “Some people seem to just be thirsty to diagnose my daughter and think that I’m just trying to force a poor daycare that isn’t equipped to handle my daughter to deal with her.”
She thanked the commenters who actually provided constructive criticism, as well as those who offered her support for her heartbreak. The fact remains that, as Dr. Hovington noted, “in most cases, head banging is normal in children.” A 2022 study even found that 42% of the toddlers and preschoolers observed by researchers exhibited head banging.
All that is to say, with the limited information we have, this mom has reason to be heartbroken that her daughter was kicked out of daycare. Perhaps school administrators had reason to be concerned that we are unaware of, or perhaps they are uninformed about common toddler behaviors, but in the end, it’s probably a good thing that this little girl isn’t enrolled there any longer. It might be a hassle to find a new facility, but having an informed teacher and supportive administrators is more important.
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and relationships.
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