Minh, 32, a design professional in Tay Ninh Province, vividly remembers the night in mid-August when his body first rebelled.
At about 3 a.m., he jolted awake with his heart pounding, his breathing short and shallow and his palms drenched in sweat. He sat on the edge of the bed until his heart rate slowed, returned to his computer, and resumed an unfinished design project.
Three years earlier, he had set himself a goal of saving VND1.5 billion ($57,500) for an apartment down payment after relatives on both sides repeatedly told him, “A man should have a home in his own name before getting married.”
He spent 14 to 16 hours a day in front of a screen, taking on freelance projects outside his regular working hours, eating out and relying on strong coffee and energy drinks to stay awake.
He gradually lost weight.
The muscles in his neck, shoulders and jaw grew so tense that he repeatedly rolled his neck while he worked.
After the first time, the nighttime palpitations returned several times a week. Alarmed, he headed for the University Medical Center Ho Chi Minh City, where he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder requiring treatment.
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Young couples pose for group wedding photos. Photo by Viet Anh |
Hoang Quoc Lan, a mental health specialist at Phuong Dong General Hospital, described a similar case involving a 33-year-old Hanoi man. His relatives pressured him to marry whenever he returned to his hometown. The pressure was especially intense because they considered him responsible for carrying on the family line, as his household traditionally headed the extended family.
Although he had a stable job, he did not feel financially established enough to marry because he owned neither a home nor a car and did not earn as much as his family expected. Fear of being judged led him to visit his hometown less often, avoid family gatherings, withdraw from friends and devote all his time to working and saving for a home.
He gradually developed insomnia, frequent heart palpitations, a persistent sense of emptiness and loss of appetite. Lan diagnosed him with an anxiety disorder.
“During counseling, he said what troubled him was not being single, but feeling that others saw him as a failure,” Lan said.
Vuong Nguyen Toan Thien, clinical director of the Lumos Center for Psychological Counseling and Therapy, says the divide between young adults’ hopes of homeownership and their financial means is widening, but no nationwide data tracks stress caused specifically by pressure to own property before marriage.
Average per capita income rose by 6.4% a year between 2014 and mid-2025, while housing prices were on the fast lane.
A family earning the Vietnamese per capita income and setting aside a third of it would need about 80 years to buy a 70-square-meter, two-bedroom apartment at mid-2025 prices if all numbers remain unchanged.
The soaring housing costs are also stretching the timetable that young adults once expected their lives to follow.
About 20 million men and women aged 15 or older had never married in 2024, according to data from the General Statistics Office of Vietnam.
The mean age at first marriage was 27.3 that year, the highest ever. Between 1999 and 2019, the mean rose by 1.1 years. But in just the next five years, it rose by another 2.1. In some metropolises, the mean has now passed 30.
Sociology describes the trend as “life-milestone inflation”: Earning a degree, securing a stable job and finding a permanent home all take longer, making marriage feel like a luxury that must be pushed farther down the list.
Citing a 2024 review of research on financial stress, Thien says prolonged financial strain can affect the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, or HPA axis, and activate the sympathetic nervous system, increasing the release of cortisol and adrenaline.
When people push themselves beyond their limits in a race to accumulate assets, the body’s alarm system can remain stuck in the “on” position, he says.
Persistently elevated cortisol levels can interfere with the body’s melatonin cycle and disrupt deep sleep.
Insufficient deep sleep also hinders the brain’s glymphatic system, which is involved in removing metabolic waste, potentially contributing to brain fog, memory problems, and what Thien describes as “cellular energy depletion.”
Prolonged activation of the sympathetic nervous system can also reduce heart rate variability, or HRV, a measure of the cardiovascular system’s ability to recover and adapt, he says.
Low HRV has been associated with elevated markers of systemic inflammation, including C-reactive protein, or CRP, and pro-inflammatory cytokines.
Thien says these stress-related changes may raise the risk of early cardiovascular disease, irritable bowel syndrome, tension-type headaches, and weakened immune function in young workers.
Social expectations surrounding gender can also shape how people respond to pressure over assets before marriage, though individual responses vary widely, he says.
Stereotypes that cast men as their families’ financial providers can lead them to tie their self-worth to their assets, and those unable to meet the expectations of owning a home or car may develop what he calls “masked depression.”
Rather than express their distress, some men work extreme hours or rely excessively on caffeine, nicotine or alcohol to cope temporarily with feelings of helplessness, further harming their physical health.
Thien says that, among women, the fear of financial instability after childbirth and the cost of supporting a family may contribute to generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD.
Such fears can heighten activity in the amygdala, a part of the brain involved in processing threats.
Some women may respond by setting rigid financial prerequisites for a prospective partner, such as already owning a home and car.
They may also withdraw from relationships and avoid emotional attachments, contributing to chronic loneliness and persistent feelings of emptiness.
“When the body sends warning signals through palpitations, chest tightness, trembling, or persistent insomnia, the problem has moved beyond personal financial planning and may require clinical care,” Thien warns.
To prevent chronic stress from taking a broader toll on the body, Thien recommends that young adults begin with what he calls a “biological recovery” routine before discussing marriage further.
They should cut back on overnight work, limit their caffeine intake and avoid consuming it after a certain time in the day, like 2 p.m.
A regular sleep schedule can support the slow-wave sleep associated with delta activity, while 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day can help regulate blood sugar and reduce stress.
People experiencing panic attacks, feelings of suffocation or insomnia lasting more than two weeks should seek professional assessment. Anyone having thoughts of self-harm should seek urgent help from a hospital or mental health professional.
Treatment for an anxiety disorder may include psychotherapy, medication, or both, depending on the clinical assessment.
Financial preparation before marriage should not become a race to prove who is wealthy enough to marry, Thien laments. “A home and car may be real assets, but when they become prerequisites for someone to feel worthy of marriage, the problem is no longer merely economic.”