Not many people are able to experience happiness without faking it at least part of the time. That’s not necessarily bad, but you can be joyful authentically if you’re smart about it.
Growing up, I thought being happy was easy. The responsibilities that come with being a grown-up can change that, which is why it’s so important to be deliberate when it comes to being happy.
Clever ways to be happy and live joyfully without faking it:
1. Set goals you can actually reach and have fun doing them
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We all want to be the best version of ourselves. Setting goals helps us get there as long as we aren’t making it impossible for ourselves. Trying to achieve the unachievable becomes exhausting. That’s why everyone quits resolutions by February.
Setting reasonable goals prevents this. Instead, we can cross things off our lists, giving us a serotonin boost. We feel accomplished when we set a goal and achieve it. Bonus points when fun is part of it. If you hate running, don’t set a running goal. Choose an activity that you actually enjoy.
2. Celebrate your quirks
I am guilty of worrying about what others think of me. This gets me caught up in my own head. The cycle is vicious. While most of us want to stop caring what others think, actually following through with that mindset is hard. When we feel approval from others, it boosts our self-esteem. When we don’t, it can feel pretty bad.
Having confidence in yourself can change everything. And that means celebrating what makes you uniquely you. When you’re proud of who you are, other people’s opinions mean nothing. Staying happy is much easier when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and just like what you like.
3. Be okay with being sad sometimes
It’s no secret that we need to look at the world from a positive lens. However, that doesn’t mean we need to give in to toxic positivity. This means ignoring feelings and avoiding the hard parts of life. It sounds cliché, but you can’t be joyful without a little sadness once in a while.
Truly happy people are happier than the average person because they are okay with not being happy when it’s warranted. They know shoving things aside won’t get them far. They conquer everything head-on.
4. Be a little selfish
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When you care deeply for someone, it’s easy to put yourself second. There’s really nothing wrong with that. Kindness is great. If you’re doing it all the time and you’re not taking care of yourself, it’s a different story. Most of us are natural people-pleasers. That means we can get caught up in things we don’t want to do, or drain ourselves before we can nurture our own needs. It may feel like being a good friend, but in reality, it hurts relationships and can even make you resentful.
It can be hard to put our needs first. However, by setting and maintaining boundaries, we know our self-worth. There is a happy medium between being a good friend and prioritizing your mental health. Keeping yourself from being drained helps you soak in joy rather than exhaust yourself pleasing someone else.
5. Keep cozy hobbies that let you unwind after a long day
Long days at work are extremely stressful. People push themselves too far when they want to be successful. Working yourself to the bone is never worth it in the long run. Eventually, the work will suffer.
One way to avoid burnout is to keep hobbies that make you happy. Joyful people know that once they’re off the clock, it’s time to disengage entirely. They might play comforting video games or get lost in a good book to prevent a long day from wearing them out.
6. Let go of people you’ve outgrown
One-sided relationships are exhausting. Giving your all to someone who refuses to do the same is painful. They expect you to drop everything to be there for them, but when you need something, they’re nowhere to be found. Maintaining relationships like this takes too much energy. They can easily drain you of happiness. If one person isn’t willing to put in the effort, it’s time to walk away.
Healthy relationships depend on mutual respect. If someone isn’t serving them, happy people will stop putting effort into that relationship. They only seek people who are willing to give as much as they do.
7. Say at least one nice thing to yourself a day
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We can be our biggest critics. I know I am mine. Nothing I do ever feels good enough. I am hard on myself about everything from the work I do to how I look. I know many people who feel the same way, and it can be draining.
Instead of focusing on self-criticism, we need to practice radical self-acceptance. Self-compassion is the key to ditching constant criticism. By loving ourselves, we can reach our true potential and not let our own thoughts bring us down.
You can’t just decide to love yourself, though. You first have to change that critical voice in your head. When you start, it might sound insincere, but keep going. Eventually, that positive voice will start to drown out the inner critic.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus is on entertainment and lifestyle stories.