For many Indian couples, the road to parenthood is not a straight one. Years of treatment, family expectations and endless questions at weddings and festivals can take a toll. Surrogacy is one option that some families consider, yet it is surrounded by rumours, half-truths and film-style drama. Here is what is true and what is not.
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Myth 1: Surrogacy is only for the very rich
It is true that surrogacy is not a cheap route, but the idea that it is out of reach for everyone except the wealthy is too sweeping. The final bill depends on the clinic, the city, the medical complexity of the case and the legal framework involved.
The main costs usually include:
Fertility treatment
This covers tests and one or more IVF cycles to create embryos, and sometimes more than one attempt is needed before a pregnancy is established.
Medical care for the surrogate
Scans, medicines, check-ups, hospital delivery and any complications all fall on the intended parents, and insurance cover for the surrogate is generally part of the arrangement.
Legal fees
A properly drafted agreement and the required paperwork take time and professional expertise.
Newborn care and incidental expenses
Neonatal care, travel and accommodation near the hospital can add up, especially for families who live in another city.
Indian law also shapes the picture. Commercial surrogacy is prohibited here, and only altruistic arrangements are permitted under strict eligibility rules, so the surrogate is not paid a fee beyond medical costs and insurance. Families who look overseas face a different cost structure altogether, with foreign currency, long stays abroad and additional legal steps. Rules in India have also been revised more than once, so it is sensible to check current requirements with a qualified lawyer and a registered clinic before budgeting. Treat any figure quoted by an agent with caution until you have seen a written breakdown.
Myth 2: The surrogate can change her mind and keep the baby
This is the fear most people voice first. In reality, a well-drafted legal agreement sets out the rights and duties of everyone involved, so there is little room for confusion once the baby arrives. In gestational surrogacy, the woman carrying the pregnancy has no legal claim to the child. Disputes brought by surrogates are very uncommon.
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Because these agreements are intricate and the law varies from place to place, intended parents should hire a lawyer who drafts them regularly and who can confirm that every applicable statute has been followed.
Myth 3: The surrogate is the child's “real” mother
Surrogacy comes in two forms. In the gestational type, the surrogate has no genetic link to the child. In the traditional type, her own egg is used, which makes her the biological mother as well. Some counselors and advocacy groups use the term “first mother” for traditional surrogates.
Even so, neither type of surrogate raises the child, and nothing suggests she shares a deeper bond with the baby than the parents do. Parenthood is built on care, time and commitment, and DNA alone does not decide who a parent is.
Myth 4: Intended parents will struggle to bond with the baby
Many people who choose surrogacy do so after long struggles with infertility. Others are single parents or same-sex couples with few alternatives. These parents have usually spent months or years hoping and preparing, and that anticipation is itself an early form of bonding, long before the birth.
Research backs this up. One study found that children born through surrogacy showed attachment patterns no different from those of other children. Specialists in the field add that the wish to raise a family is among the most natural human desires, and that surrogacy can be a caring and ethical way to fulfill it.
Myth 5: Surrogates are likely to suffer lasting depression
The emotional side of surrogacy deserves honest discussion. Some surrogates experience anxiety, low mood or feelings of insecurity afterwards. However, those who receive counseling and support before, during and after the pregnancy tend to cope better, and like anyone planning a pregnancy, they are aware of the risks beforehand.
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A psychologist in this area stresses that no one can fully predict how a surrogacy journey will end, but it is simply untrue that every surrogate is harmed by it. One study of 21 surrogates found that some struggled in the first weeks after delivery, but for most the difficulties had faded by six months, one year and even 10 years later. The hormonal swings they felt were also much like those of any new mother.
Myth 6: Surrogacy exploits women
This is the most emotional objection, and it is worth treating with care. A woman who chooses to help another family and takes pride in doing so deserves respect. Some critics are uneasy about payment because carrying a child for others has traditionally been an act done without reward. Specialists counter that being paid is not the same as being coerced. The real ethical test is whether the surrogate is truly free to refuse.
Women are capable of judging what is right for their own lives, and several experts question why society so readily seeks to control women's bodies “for their own good”. Surrogates are also frequently stereotyped as poor, uneducated and pressured, which does not reflect the backgrounds of many who take part.
Safeguards matter here. Not every applicant is accepted, and reputable agencies screen for emotional stability and make sure the woman does not feel exploited. Someone with a history of mental illness, an unstable home life or a vulnerability to pressure would not be allowed to proceed. In the Indian setting, where family pressure can be strong, such checks and a clear consent process are especially important.
Myth 7: Children born through surrogacy will face stigma or identity struggles
A long-term study found that most children had no negative feelings about being born through either form of surrogacy. Many viewed it favorably and spoke of pride in, and gratitude towards, the woman who carried them.
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Experiences do differ, though, and not every child will feel the same. Specialists admit that children born through assisted reproduction, and also adopted children, can face stigma while these topics remain poorly understood or rarely discussed. The encouraging finding is that young adults whose parents spoke openly about their birth from an early age tended to hold more positive views. Honesty at home appears to help.
(Disclaimer: This article is for general information and is not medical advice)