A woman questioned if it was tacky that she was asked to refund a wedding gift despite not having an actual invitation to the ceremony.
Posting to the subreddit r/weddingshaming, she claimed that an entire wedding debacle has left her feeling a bit confused, considering she wasn’t even extended an invitation in the first place, yet she’s being asked about a gift she bought for the couple.
The bride followed up with her about a gift she bought as a wedding shower guest despite not being invited to the actual wedding.
“My friend’s son was getting married, and she wanted to throw the couple a wedding shower that included her (the mother-of-the-groom) friends since they were having a small wedding,” she began in her Reddit post.
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She explained that she knew she probably wouldn’t secure an invitation to the actual wedding since she didn’t know the couple personally and was under the impression that it was going to be an intimate ceremony anyway.
For the wedding shower, she was asked to provide food for all of the guests, which led to her spending almost four hours preparing pounds of potato salad and pasta salad.
She recalled that “every part” of her body was sore from spending so much time in the kitchen, but she enjoyed doing things like that for the people she cared about, including her friends.
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“Since I didn’t really know the couple, but they were young and just starting out, I got them my go-to wedding gift, which is a huge McCormick spice rack with 30 different staple spices. It’s a classic-looking piece, and I always figure couples can do whatever with the rack if it’s not to their style and get functional use out of all that seasoning,” she continued.
She also included an Amazon gift receipt since the price was over $100, and if they didn’t like the gift, they were more than welcome to swap it out for a refund.
She recalled that the wedding shower was ‘the most awkward’ experience of her life.
At the shower, she observed that the groom was incredibly quiet and introverted while the bride-to-be didn’t interact or mingle with any of the guests she didn’t personally know. As a guest, she noticed that the bride seemed to only be going along with the wedding shower because her mother-in-law insisted that she have one in the first place.
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“Fortunately we got to chill and hang out with a few close friends and it didn’t drag on all that late. Fast forward 2 months and I’m surprised to see a whole bunch of wedding photos on my IG feed of a pretty sizable wedding. I definitely felt a little duped by how the wedding was presented to me when invited to the shower only,” she remarked.
She began feeling as if her presence at the wedding shower was only so that the couple could get a gift instead of her presence actually being valued and appreciated. And she was probably right. According to Martha Stewartwhile an engaged couple doesn’t have to invite every woman who is going to the wedding to the shower, it’s considered poor etiquette not to invite every guest from the shower to the wedding.
To make matters worse, a few weeks later, her friend informed her that the groom was trying to return her gift on Amazon and was having a problem since so long had passed since she originally gave it to him, and he needed her help with it.
She was put in such an awkward position of having to explain that the return window had closed, and at one point, she felt that the couple just wanted her to take back the gift altogether.
Since the original wedding shower was over two months ago, it’s reasonable that she would tell the couple she has no control over whether Amazon takes back the gift.
On top of that, she wasn’t invited to the wedding and had no personal relationship with the couple apart from being friends with the groom’s mother. She didn’t have to bring a gift, and she didn’t have to make food for the entire party either, but she did both things out of the kindness of her heart without a thank you or an ounce of gratitude from anyone.
At the end of the day, this woman didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, and it’s peculiar that she would even be approached about a gift given months ago. If the couple truly doesn’t want the gift, then they can take care of it themselves.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
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