Getting married and starting a family certainly creates a hectic schedule. Children, especially, are all-consuming, and finding time to get out of the house, see your friends, and socialize can be a challenge.
Still, it’s important to remember that this lifestyle is a choice. Just because someone is single or childless doesn’t mean they have fewer responsibilities or that their time is less valuable.
A childless woman claimed that married people with kids think that they have more value than single people.
“Have you noticed as a single woman in your 30s or after 30s that people who have children and families think that their priorities are more important than your priorities?” Leila, a family physicianquestioned on TikTok.
Of course, caring for a child outweighs the desire to go out with friends or take a solo trip to another country. Choosing to have a child means you are choosing to prioritize their well-being above all else.
However, that’s not what Leila is arguing against.
The woman insisted that everyone has the right to prioritize what is important to them, and her priorities should not be invalidated just because she is not a parent.
“I’ve gone through a lot of really terrible things in the past few years and just not had a lot of fun at all,” she said, explaining that she worked as a doctor during the pandemic, her boyfriend was in a catastrophic motorcycle accident, and she lost her mom to lung cancer.
In April she quit her job, and since then has been focused on herself for the first time.
She is “living her best life,” going on a cruise and taking trips to Chicago, Miami, Myrtle Beach, Mexico, and Dallas.
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“I literally haven’t been free since I was 18,” she reflected. “I’ve never had any free time, ever, so I’m taking it.”
The woman insisted that childless individuals who prioritize their needs shouldn’t be perceived as selfish for doing so.
Leila explained that a close friend who is married and has two kids under three years old recently reached out to her asking if she wanted to visit her and her family. Leila added that she hasn’t yet met her friend’s husband or children.
“She was like, ‘Hey, I’m taking this week off if you wanna come visit,’” Leila recounted. “I’d love to come. But it just so happens that that week, I’m getting back (from traveling).”
She admitted that because she would have to leave immediately upon returning home, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go — not because she didn’t want to see her friend and her family, but because of the timing. Plus, “it would be a lot of kids’ stuff,” she added.
She replied to her friend saying she would look into the flights and see if she could make it work. Her friend initially told her not to worry, but then appeared to guilt-trip Leila, saying that she’s already missed out on so much of her family’s lives.
While the friend may not have intended to imply anything passive-aggressive with her message, Leila admittedly felt taken aback. She felt like her friend expected her to ignore her priorities and needs to accommodate those of her child-bearing friends.
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“I responded, “Yes. My past four years have been pretty difficult, and I’ve missed quite a bit,” she recalled.
Leila felt that her time and priorities were disregarded by her friend — and by other friends of hers in similar situations.
“My life has been very busy. And I understand that my friends want me to meet their kids,” she said. “I also feel like if I went around and made my priorities about meeting all of my friends’ kids … I would literally have no time for myself.”
“I’m an adult, and I have things that I wanna do. And just because I didn’t tether myself to a child doesn’t mean that I don’t have responsibilities, goals, things that are important in my life,” she continued. “But somehow I always feel like there’s an undertone of, you could be a little more flexible because you don’t have kids.”
Everyone has the autonomy to make their own decisions in life.
Leila acknowledged that parents understandably have much less flexibility in their lives than those who are single and childless, and she doesn’t hold this against them. But she admitted that she doesn’t find it fair when parents try to invalidate her for having priorities other than kids.
If someone chooses not to have children, they are choosing to make themselves their main priority, and there is nothing less valuable about this lifestyle.
“I think people with kids don’t realize that childfree people fill their lives up in other ways,” one user commented. “We may not have the responsibility of a child, but we still have responsibilities and stressors.”
“There seems to be this societal expectation that if you don’t have kids, your role is to support those with kids, without reciprocation,” another commenter pointed out.
Yet, not everyone online agreed.
“Leila, we are literally raising human beings; you wouldn’t know how difficult and time-consuming that is because you’re not there yet,” a parent argued in the comments.
Some parents might disagree with Leila’s take, as they have much different priorities and views. But it’s important to recognize that bringing a child into the world is a choice and those who choose not to still live complex and meaningful lives.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.
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