As wildfires continue to ravage the LA area, homeowners who were forced to evacuate are bracing themselves for the worst possible outcome — losing their homes. Of course, all that truly matters is that loved ones are safe, but explaining a major tragedy like losing all your personal belongings to a toddler isn’t that simple.
For one devastated mom, that’s exactly what happened. Her family’s home in Altadena was lost to the Eaton fire, and she has no idea how to tell their toddler the news.
An Altadena mother is wondering how to tell her 3-year-old they no longer have a home to return to after it was destroyed by the California wildfires.
Before 13,956 acres of land were burned by the Eaton fire in Altadena and Pasadena, residents were ordered to evacuate their homes. One of those residents was a mother, her husband, and her two children, ages 3 and 1. The mother recalled the terrifying moment during an interview with KCAL News.
She said that just before they were ordered to evacuate, she had told her kids that they would be having a “candlelight dinner” since their power went out. However, their dinner was cut short as the fire quickly approached their home. “We looked outside. We saw a huge fire, and we just packed whatever we could, and we ran out,” the woman shared. “It was chaos on the streets. People were trying to get out. We thought, we’re gonna come back tomorrow, so we didn’t even pack anything. We had nothing.”
The mom shared that they didn’t have time to pack anything before fleeing the fire.
Unfortunately, the clothes on their backs were the only things the family would ever have from their home after it burned to the ground and they returned to rubble. The devastated woman said that in addition to losing her home, she lost her wedding dress, her wedding album, and the keepsakes her mother gave her before she passed away.
In addition to the grief of losing all their belongings, she was worried about how her toddler was going to take the loss. “My 3-year-old keeps asking me, ‘Mama, when are we gonna go home?’” the tearful mother said. “I’m trying to figure out how to tell my 3-year-old that we don’t have a home.”
Thousands of people have been displaced as a result of the blazes, and many of them are unsure where to go or how to move forward as they return to their destroyed homes and neighborhoods.
Like the heartbroken mom, many parents are asking themselves the same question.
How will they break the news to their kids that their bedrooms, favorite toys, and all their things have vanished in the blink of an eye? While there is no right or wrong way to explain to young children that a tragedy has occurred, some parents are choosing to keep it real with them.
Emily Scott, a certified parenting coach and mother of three, has been down this road before. In July 2018, her home was destroyed by the Carr Fire along with 1,100 other homes in Northern California. “We had many hard days. Our kids missed their toys. They couldn’t understand why we couldn’t just go home. They would ask to wear clothes we no longer had. They wanted to sleep with stuffed animals that now rest in toy heaven,” Scott shared in a blog post. “I am often asked how we helped our kids through such a difficult experience. In all honesty, we just parented the best we could.”
Scott said she did this by allowing her children the space to feel sadness, explaining the loss to them in a way they could understand, and offering them hugs and kisses when they were feeling especially distressed. She also worked hard to transform tragedy into triumph.
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“We showed our kids the ashes that remained of our home. We allowed them to put handprints in the concrete when the new home construction began. We showed them how community comes together to help. We let them see how, when tragedy strikes, goodness and hope will always prevail,” Scott shared. “We may not always be able to parent with laughter and butterflies, but we can parent with hope. Hope will always win.”
There will never be an easy way to explain to your kids that the home they once knew is forever gone. However, you can be honest and clear with them. Involve them in the recovery process and reassure them that they are safe while acknowledging that their grief is valid.
They may have a lot of questions, and while you may not always have the answers, let them know that you are here to talk them through any feelings. The process can even be helpful to parents as they navigate their new normal and attempt to make sense of it all themselves.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.
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