Just two in ten employees report having a best friend at work, according to recent Gallup dataand young people especially feel disconnected from their co-workers.
Although having work friends has been shown to increase job satisfaction, engagement, and productivity, some employees are actively choosing not to pursue such relationships.
One employee said that her only rule for herself in her new job is not to make work friends.
“I’m getting a new job and the first rule I have for myself is to not make work friends,” Yanna Ok admitted in a since-deleted TikTok. “I’m going to have to be okay with my co-workers not liking me.”
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“It doesn’t matter what work environment (it is), there will always be gossip. I could’ve been nice to everyone. I could’ve been assertive. I could have stood my ground,” she continued. “I could have been quiet. People will still talk (crap).”
To maintain her balanced lifestyle and protect her peace, Ok got candid about “rejecting” workplace expectations of finding friendship. Instead, she said she would adopt an “average amount” of kindness in the office and maintain surface-level relationships without allowing anyone to take advantage of her.
At the end of the day, she added, “It’s just a job,” so don’t make your career your entire identity, don’t let it steal personal time, and, most importantly, don’t allow friendships at work to destroy your work-life boundaries.
Workplace relationships have their benefits.
When done intentionally, workplace friendships can have substantial benefits — both for employees and employers.
According to BetterUp datathose with close workplace relationships experience 91% greater personal growth and 101% greater professional growth. Survey respondents also reported significantly less loneliness, anxiety, burnout, and stress.
Connections in the workplace can also boost feelings of belonging and even help you to better leverage your career, assuming trust is present.
As for your boss, employees having friends has been shown to boost productivity and performance.
However, similarly to how “familial” atmospheres at work can quickly turn toxic, work friendships don’t always help employees.
Given the toxicity of many workplace environments, sometimes it can be more taxing to have work friends than to not.
On occasion, work friends can prove to be more harmful than helpful. If leaders are pushing their employees to build bonds and find work friends in the office, question their intentions. Chances are they’re looking for more than just a “healthy” dynamic at work.
As mentioned before, with bonds in the workplace, productivity tends to shift, but not always for the betterment of employees. Workers are more motivated to “work hard,” take less time off, sacrifice their work-life boundaries, and lift heavy workloads to support their colleagues.
Gossip and competition can also make these supposed friendships quickly turn toxic. What happens when you’re up for the same promotion? While it might feel nice to vent with someone who understands your work struggles, be careful not to be too honest when your livelihood is on the line.
You should, of course, be cordial with your co-workers, but don’t forget to maintain your boundaries. If that means adopting an “average” level of kindness, so be it.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
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