Our culture tells us that our 20s are supposed to be the best years of our lives, full of experimentation and big firsts that help us discover who we are.
As nearly anyone who’s endured them knows, however, they often end up being confusing, scary, and frustrating. Nowadays, the adrift, undefined anxiety of the 20s often extends well into the 30s, too.
But it’s also true that nearly all of us, once we reach a certain age, look back and realize we often made it harder on ourselves than was necessary. Count TikToker Meghan Smith among those who’ve had this experience, and it’s given her some wisdom that young people just might find illuminating.
The Gen X’er shared 14 pieces of advice for Gen Z in their twenties:
“If only I knew what I know now,” and “hindsight is 20/20,” and all the other cliches are cliches for a reason — they’re nearly universal as far as perspectives go once you arrive at and go beyond mid-life.
Smith, who’s known as @melodynotevintage on TikTokwhich is also the name of her vintage shop in Palm Springs, California, has been keeping a list of the perspectives that getting older has given her on her messy 20s.
“This is for anybody that is in their twenties, maybe late teens, very early thirties,” Smith said, “and this is every single thing that I wish somebody told me when I was in my twenties.”
Smith explained that she originally created her list for her own kids, to “save them a little bit of headache and a little bit of heartache.” If you’re in that awkward sort of quarter-life era (or even if you’re older and still feel like a bit of a mess), listen up — her 14 insights might help you, too.
1. Perfection is BS
Oh look, it’s the thing I say to every photo of myself in my 20s: “You are good-looking, and you will never be more good-looking than you are today,” Smith said. “So enjoy every day.”
I have truly lost track of how many times I’ve marveled at old photos of myself and said, “And I thought I was so ugly, so fat, so unlovably weird-looking.” You’re not! Live your life.
While you’re at it, Smith recommends you “put your phone down once in a while” in order to do just that. Solid advice, because life doesn’t happen inside a phone screen, after all.
2. If you’re feeling depressed, see if you just need one of your basic needs met first
“If you are feeling blue,” Smith said, “drink a glass of water, take a shower, go for a walk, and then see how you feel.”
Especially in our era of constant staring at our phones (see above), it’s so easy to disengage from ourselves and our own needs, and all too often, that’s all that’s gone awry.
3. ‘Don’t change for somebody’
“The right person is not going to love you any less for being yourself,” Smith said. “Also, the right person is not gonna love you less for 5 or 10 pounds, OK? Trust me on that one.”
4. Don’t worry about making mistakes
“Usually people are too self-involved to notice if you made a mistake,” Smith said — which is so true. One of the biggest lessons as you get older is that virtually nobody is paying the kind of attention to you that you suspect!
More importantly, messing up is how we learn how to not mess up. Just embrace it and “laugh at yourself” in order to “stay humble,” as Smith recommends.
5. ‘If somebody shows you their true colors, believe them’
Dr. Maya Angelou was really onto something when she coined the phrase, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
That “first-time” part is often overlooked but might be the most important bit. Trust your gut.
6. Don’t dwell on the problems that you have, but don’t ignore them either
As with everything, it’s all about balance. As Smith wisely put it, “Just remember that what is paramount today is a footnote tomorrow.” Nothing lasts, including troubles.
7. Travel
That’s it. That’s the advice. Go see the world, even if that “world” is just an hour away from your house. Broaden your horizons.
8. Buy the expensive perfume or cologne
Olena Yakobchuk Shutterstock
“Go a little bit more expensive,” Smith advised. It just smells so much better — and it makes you feel better, too, because it’s a subtle reminder that you’re worth it. Cheesy? Sure. But we all need those reminders.
But “don’t wear too much, and do not reapply during the day.” This is probably the most important advice. Nobody likes the guy or gal who makes your eyes water!
9. Cringing at your past is part of life
“You will look back at photos and videos of yourself at this time, and you will literally think, ‘holy god, what was I thinking?'” Smith said. But in the wise words of Sarah Silverman“If you don’t look back at your old (self) and cringe, you’re not growing.”
10. ‘You end up dating the people that you think that you deserve’
“And usually, you deserve better,” Smith added. Hoo boy, is this the truth — and it still holds true even if you end up dating no one at all.
11. ‘Sleeping with people doesn’t make you a slut’
Don’t let purity culture and gender standards lead you down this path — you’re allowed to enjoy this part of life. At the same time, though, Smith issued an important caveat: “Sleeping with people is never gonna make them like you, and it’s never gonna make them love you.”
12. ‘Go see bands like it’s your job’
Shakespeare called music “the food of love,” and I have no idea what that means but it sounds good. Buy the concert tickets.
13. ‘Don’t stay in a relationship because you don’t wanna hurt the other person’
“It is your life,” Smith said. And you deserve to be happy. So does the other person, assuming, you know, they’re not a monster. You both deserve to be in a relationship where you’re happy, even if that relationship is just with yourself.
14. ‘Wear sunscreen, eat the pizza, you are not fat’
That really does sum it up. Honestly, if you only take one piece of Smith’s advice, this is the one. Write this down, and then go make your 20s count! (By eating the pizza, of course.)
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
Comments are closed.