A woman questioned how she could explain to her husband that she shouldn’t have to share the bonus she received at work with him after he insisted that she not keep it for herself.
Posting to the subreddit r/relationship_advice, the 30-year-old woman claimed that her husband is refusing to let her spend the money she earned on herself despite working hard to get it in the first place.
A wife was upset with her husband, who demanded that she deposit her small work bonus into their shared account.
In her Reddit post, she explained that she and her husband are in a traditional marriage and abide by some of the expectations related to the role of a husband and wife. She agreed to become a stay-at-home wife and take care of her husband’s elderly parents, who were quite sick. They also talked about eventually having children.
Her husband is a blue-collar worker, but his business isn’t doing too well, so he asked if she’d be able to help out because they needed some extra money to pay the mortgage on their house.
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“I make barely above minimum wage as a receptionist/office admin. I work 30 hours a week. But I still have to take care of his parents and I do the majority of the chores,” she explained in her post.
The wife started working to help with finances, but her former household responsibilities are becoming unsustainable.
Although she agreed to a more traditional marriage, now that she’s working, she doesn’t think it’s fair that she is tasked with taking care of the household. She is also still caring for his parents.
Unsurprisingly, her husband doesn’t seem to agree.
Unfortunately, this seems to be the case for many married women in heterosexual relationships. According to the Pew Research Centereven when women are the breadwinners in a marriage, they still take on the bulk of household responsibilities.
The Pew Researchers noted, “Women pick up a heavier load when it comes to household chores and caregiving responsibilities, while men spend more time on work and leisure.”
Her husband insists that they can’t spend money on themselves because of how much they’re struggling.
When it comes to changing their lifestyle in any way, her husband is resistant. “He says we can’t afford anything. We live very frugally. I am frustrated and upset he won’t budge about our spending or consider getting a new job.”
She added, “He was the one who wanted a house and a car and now I have to work to the bone for something I didn’t want.”
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Working, she accrued a small bonus of $300, but when her husband found out about it, he insisted that she deposit the money into their shared bank account.
She didn’t want to do that. Instead, she wanted to spend the money on new winter clothes, skincare products, and makeup, as she was running low on them.
Her husband claimed that those things weren’t “necessities,” but she pointed out that she’s working non-stop without being able to get anything for herself.
In reality, $300 isn’t that much money to begin with, and considering she worked and was awarded the bonus, she should be the one to determine what happens with the money.
If she wants to spend it on things for herself, her husband shouldn’t have a say.
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There’s nothing wrong with being in a traditional marriage if that’s something that both parties have agreed to, but it becomes a problem when circumstances change, like a wife starts working, and the marital responsibilities don’t reflect those changes.
There can often be a very thin line between a traditional marriage dynamic and being in a controlling relationship, especially when it comes to finances. It may be necessary for this woman and her husband to have a serious conversation about their financial arrangement, especially if the problem persists.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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