Former Indian spin bowler Sivaramakrishnan reveals: Faced racism, depression and discrimination in commentary

Former Indian spin bowler Laxman Sivaramakrishnan has spoken openly about some very difficult and painful experiences of his life. He told in an interview to Indian Express that while traveling in Dubai, sometimes there was no speed limit on the roads. When his car started moving very fast, a strange and dangerous thought would come to his mind that he would open the door of the car and jump out.

But for some reason or the other, some inner voice or feeling stopped him from doing such a foolish thing. He told that gradually he lost his sleep completely. It had become very difficult to sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes, very scary and strange images started coming to his mind. Such pictures which they could not even imagine in their imagination. Everything seemed very terrible and scary.

Was alcohol the whole problem?

Sivaramakrishnan says that as soon as he opened his eyes after getting scared, everything became normal. But he felt so tired and weak that he tried to sleep again. He would close his eyes and open them again after some time. By doing this again and again, his sleep was completely disturbed. Sivaramakrishnan also said that drinking alcohol made this problem worse. The situation worsened every time after drinking alcohol. They would confuse themselves even more and people from the outside world would say, ‘See, we already told you. Alcohol is the cause of the whole problem.

trolled for physical appearance

Even during his 23-year long career as a commentator, he had to face a lot of trouble due to his physical appearance. He told that he never got the toss done nor was it included in any presentation. Once he asked a producer why this happens. The producer replied clearly, ‘Our boss has given us strict instructions not to employ you on such work.’ The reason given was that they ‘do not look good’.

When he was considered an employee instead of a cricketer

Sivaramakrishnan further said, ‘Vijay Amritraj is considered to be the most charismatic and best commentator in this field. Isn’t his complexion also fair? His complexion is also dark. He connected all these experiences with the early days of his cricket career. When he was just 14 years old, he used to work as a net bowler in Chepauk Stadium. Once a senior player mistook him for a field employee. Sivaramakrishnan just looked at him at that time and said calmly, ‘I have nothing to do with this.’

Sad revelations of racism

He also spoke openly about some very scary and sad experiences of racism inside the dressing room of the Indian team. Sivaramakrishnan made his Test debut in April 1983 in Antigua. At that time his age was only 17 years and 118 days. At that time he became the youngest player to play Test cricket for India. During that tour, he told that he used to spend more time in the West Indies dressing room than in the Indian dressing room. He said that over time such racist comments and behavior greatly weakened his self-confidence.

shown below for color

Sivaramakrishnan said, ‘People used to look down on me because of the darkness of my complexion. I felt very sad every time this happened. I always wanted to forget these things, but these things remained deep inside my mind. Sometimes she would come out. All these experiences affected me so much that my self-confidence diminished at a very young age. Building self-confidence is a very difficult task. But on the contrary, he felt a lot of belonging and respect during the West Indies tour. Wahan players like Malcolm Marshall and Desmond Haynes often took him out for walks.

mention of gordon greenidge

Sivaramakrishnan happily recalled, ‘All the players there had dark complexion. They were very happy and friendly people. He also mentioned a memorable conversation he had with Gordon Greenidge. Greenidge told him that he too had faced similar racist problems in England. Greendidge had said, ‘I have also suffered all this, so I just do my work, play my cricket and move on.’