A man questioned if the request his wife presented to him before their wedding was enough of a dealbreaker to call off the entire ceremony.
Posting to the subreddit r/Marriage, a 28-year-old man admitted that he was getting married in a few weeks but was taken aback when his fiancée claimed that she wanted to do one last thing before walking down the aisle. And she wanted to do it … with someone that wasn’t him.
A man questioned if he should call off his wedding after his fiancée asked for a ‘hall pass’ before getting hitched.
“We’ve been together for 4 years now, and it seemed like everything was great and mutual. Yesterday at dinner my soon-to-be wife brought up the idea of both of us having a free sleep with whoever before the wedding. This stupid idea of hers completely blindsided me,” he began in his Reddit post.
He explained that he could tell she had been considering the proposition for a while and had been waiting for the “perfect” time to bring it up to him. She argued that it would be healthy for their relationship and impending marriage if they got all of their desires out of the way and out of their systems. However, he pointed out that in the four years he and his fiancée have been together, he’s never once thought about cheating or being with anyone else.
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His fiancée’s excuse of wanting a hall pass to get outside desires out of her system is a red flag.
The idea of a “hall pass” is quite frankly, ridiculous. It’s fine to joke around with your partner about a mega-famous A-list celebrity that you find attractive because the possibility of actually ending up with them is rather thin and impossible.
Still, it’s quite another thing to request a “hall pass” mere weeks before your wedding under the guise that it will “help” your relationship when it just sounds like you don’t want to be tied down. If that’s the case, then you probably shouldn’t be getting married.
If you’re actively thinking about sleeping with and being with other people, that’s a glaringly obvious red flag that something in your current relationship is not working.
While it’s healthy and normal to find other people attractive, you should never feel a need to act on that attraction, and if you do, then there’s your answer about whether or not the relationship you’re in is enough for you.
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His fiancée attempted to retract her suggestion once she realized he wasn’t happy about it.
“I’m not sure what to feel about this whole mess. On one hand, I really do love her, but I also feel a sense of betrayal from her. I’m not sure if she has a guy in mind or just wants a one-night stand,” he continued. “We’re getting married in December, just a few weeks away. A breakup seems like something that would not be fun to deal with.”
He insisted that they had an entire wedding pretty much already planned, with family, friends, and other loved ones coming to see them and bask in this moment with them.
He even questioned if he might be overreacting about the entire situation despite his friends encouraging him to just move on.
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Truthfully, it’s hurtful to hear that the person you’re in love with and plan on spending the rest of your life with isn’t satisfied with only being with you. Her sleeping with someone else weeks before the wedding won’t “get it out of her system” because the desire shouldn’t be there in the first place.
Instead, it’ll most likely further complicate their relationship and the fact that their marriage started with infidelity because that’s what it is.
A “hall pass” doesn’t protect someone from the truth… which is that you’re cheating or would be cheating on your significant other.
There’s nothing wrong with this man deciding that he doesn’t want to start a lifelong commitment with someone unsure about him. You should only ever be with someone who is 100% about you, and trust me, you’ll definitely know if they aren’t.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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