A mom is being accused of ruining her daughter’s life after canceling the surprise proposal she’d helped her daughter’s boyfriend arrange.
Posting to Reddit, she explained that she has never been fond of her daughter Jaelinn’s boyfriend James because he is “short-tempered” and “condescending” toward her daughter, whom he “orders around too much.” He is also what the mom described as “radically right-wing.”
A mom canceled her daughter’s surprise proposal after the groom insulted her son.
James wanted to propose to Jaelinn on Valentine’s Day and have his family in attendance, which the future mother-of-the-bride thought was a wonderful idea, so she agreed to host.
But James quickly became very demanding; he insisted that the mother-of-the-bride not “turn on the television while my parents are here” or “serve store-brand chips or soda for snacks.” When she protested, he laughed her off, but then kept making other demands.
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And then things took an even darker turn. The mom said that James has always had a problem with her other son, Devon, who is bisexual. She wrote that he has never said anything “overtly hateful, but his phobias are obvious (rolling his eyes or snickering under his breath when he thinks no one’s looking).” Her future son-in-law also told her that “he isn’t against the lifestyle, but he doesn’t believe in it.”
The mom canceled the proposal when her future son-in-law asked to make sure her son doesn’t ‘act too gay.’
For her, the “proverbial last straw” came when he pulled her aside and demanded, “You will make sure Devon doesn’t ‘go off the deep end’ in front of my parents? You know… make sure he doesn’t act too gay.” The mom wrote, “I lost my temper, revoked the invitation, and told him to find somewhere else to propose,” which sent the house into an “uproar.”
But no one was as angry as Jaelinn, who told her mother that James was so offended he broke off their entire relationship altogether and she had “ruined her life.”
It got so heated that even her bisexual son Devon told his mother she should have put up with James’ comments. Jaelinn hasn’t spoken to her since the incident.
Though responses were mixed, most people agreed that the mother absolutely did the right thing.
One user pointed out that this situation is actually a lot more dramatic than the mom might realize. As they explained, “He’s literally telling your daughter that because her brother is bisexual, he doesn’t want to marry her. The narrative on this needs to switch around to what it actually is.”
Another user agreed, writing, “He’s a bigot and homophobe and wants you to put Devon in the closet so his bigoted and homophobic family is happy. Do you want to support that kind of person?” Others urged her to get rid of James and try to save Jaelinn from marrying him. One urged her to “get him out, and then have an examining conversation with your daughter.”
Another agreed that, “[Jaelinn] needs to take a very close look at who he is at his core and who she is, and she needs to realize what she will be sacrificing if she stays with him.” And several users thought James sounds very likely to escalate to truly abusive behavior towards Jaelinn once they’re out of the mother of the bride’s house and on their own. As one user put it, “You didn’t ruin your daughter’s life. If anything you saved it.”
Now, the mom needs to work on mending her relationship with her daughter.
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Adult children and their relationships are often sources of contention in families, and even if the parent is justified in their concerns, like this mom, that doesn’t mean their child won’t revert back to that rebellious teen who always seems to want what they can’t have.
It’s very likely that Jaelinn needs an outlet for her hurt and disappointment, and that’s coming out as anger toward her mom. Processing emotions can take time, but that doesn’t mean this mom should also simply wait around for her daughter to reach out.
Sociology professor Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D., explained that it’s important for parents and adult children to talk things out, especially when it comes to disagreements about romantic partners. She said, “Try to invite a conversation with your son or daughter privately in a way that s/he is less likely to feel cornered or interrogated. Consider going for a ride since young people often share more when not looking at adults during challenging conversations and looking out at the long stretch of road. Or, suggest a walk. Or go somewhere s/he already enjoys, even if you don’t.”
She went on to say, “They are more likely to confide in you as a result. Get curious. Open the space of your heart to truly listen and receive your child.”
Her daughter isn’t upset that her mom stuck up for her brother. Her heart is broken. She had the rose-colored glasses of love taken away from her by an incident beyond her control. She’s also likely disappointed in herself for not seeing her boyfriend’s true nature sooner. This mother-daughter relationship can heal, but it will take effort and time.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
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