A mom has come under fire on social media after sharing the warning she gave her sons regarding their inheritance.
In a since-deleted post to X (formerly known as Twitter), a mom named Sam was adamant that her two adult sons wait for marriage before having children. To ensure they did, she threatened to withhold their inheritance if they had children before walking down the aisle.
A mom told her sons they risked losing their inheritance if they had children out of wedlock.
“Our sons are aware that if they have babies out of wedlock they’ll lose their inheritance for them & will have to start from scratch,” Sam revealed in her post. “We were clear about this prior to having children. Most boys are comfortable with doing this because they have zero standards, expectations, & INHERITANCE. You have to incentivize good behavior/decisions.”
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Of course, following Sam’s post, she elicited a staggering amount of backlash from critics, who pointed out that not only is this a ridiculous clause to include with your children’s inheritance, but it’s unrealistic to put this kind of demand onto anyone, especially your children.
The family structure has changed drastically over the past several decades.
The traditional or nuclear family is changing, and according to Pew Researchmore than half of American children today live in non-traditional environments. Only 46% are living in a nuclear family with married heterosexual parents living under the same roof.
Among the most notable changes is an increase in nonmarital childbearing — the percentage of all children born to unmarried parents. Recent estimates show that about 40 percent of births in the United States occur outside of marriage, up from 28 percent in 1990.
By putting this kind of stipulation upon her sons, Sam is only further upholding an outdated concept of family rooted in patriarchal values. The disdain for nonmarital births has always been a way to control women and force them into a traditional marriage structure, which could potentially strip them of their independence and autonomy. Not only that, but it vilifies women who choose a different path and demeans LGBTQ+ couples with children.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with having children outside of wedlock.
It’s not the 1950s anymore, despite how much American politicians and our government want it to be. Having a child outside of wedlock doesn’t mean you’re a “heathen” or that your child is being set up for failure by not being born into the traditional nuclear family. There are plenty of parents who were able to raise children in a loving environment without having been married or even together in the first place.
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Just because you decide to get married before having children doesn’t mean you can’t end up in the same position as people who have decided to have children without getting married. You could still end up a single parent, going through a divorce, or co-parenting with your ex-partner. Contrary to the belief of many older generations, marriage is not some safe haven to escape relationship problems.
The challenges of raising a child will exist whether or not there’s a wedding band around your finger. Instead of parents telling their kids they need to be married before starting a family, parents should start teaching their kids, especially their sons, how to show up for their partners and the valuable traits that are needed to be a good parent in the first place.
If moms are worried about how their sons will show up for their future partners and kids, they should work to instill the importance of responsibility, emotional intelligence, and being an active parent into their childrearing. Using a financial reward to force them to comply with something they don’t necessarily need to do in the first place is manipulative and controlling. Frankly, there are so many more important things in life than getting married, and parents should be able to realize that.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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