Helicopter parents are known for their obsessive need to control every aspect of their child’s life, and it seems that some have taken their controlling nature to an entirely new level.
Parents have begun using college parent forums to set up “playdates” between their children — “kids” who are likely at least 18, no longer live with their parents, and are attempting to experience independence for the first time.
Moms are using college parent forums to schedule ‘playdates’ for their kids at college.
Through Facebook and WhatsApp groups, parents are getting involved in every nook and cranny of their kids’ lives from miles away.
Parents head to these groups with all kinds of problems, from finding a place for their child to get a haircut to seeking out a restaurant that fits specific dietary restrictions and even worrying about their child’s apparent loneliness.
Although these groups are filled with well-intentioned parents trying to make sure their children are adapting to college, they often take their hovering antics to the extreme, overstepping in ways many wouldn’t dream of.
Setting up playdates is a step — or a few steps — too far.
Wanting to know that your child is safe and thriving in this new stage of their lives is reasonable, but setting up ‘playdates’ is definitely too much.
Ignoring the fact that playdates are traditionally for children — as in actual kids who can’t yet make their own friends or schedules — these moms are invading their college children’s privacy.
Admitting to the parents of your child’s classmates and dormmates that your child has no friends is a massive overstep and an invasion of their privacy. Alerting hundreds of strangers that your child is struggling to connect with others — something that is absolutely normal in college — is not OK and may even cause them to have more trouble breaking out of their shell.
If you want to help your child, start by not sharing personal details of their lives with people on the internet. Then, move on to offering advice to them one-on-one.
Suggest they attend on-campus events and join organizations, clubs, or Greek life. Advise them to get to know their roommate and other classmates. Tell them to take the initiative and ask people to hang out. Remind them that, especially for freshmen, everyone at school is looking to make friends.
College parent groups can be helpful when used for things other than meddling.
The problem isn’t necessarily the formation of these groups, but the way they are utilized by certain parents.
These platforms can actually be quite helpful, especially for incoming freshmen, as they often provide access to dorm layouts and packing lists. Parents can stay in the loop and acquire useful information through these college parent forums.
According to Laurence Steinberga psychology professor at Temple University, as long as parents use these groups to collect helpful information for their children instead of trying to intervene, they can be genuine assets.
So, the next time you find yourself worrying about your college student, put away the phone (or whatever you use to get on to Facebook), and take a deep breath. Offer them whatever advice you can and let them figure out the rest themselves.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.
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