After attempting to address an issue with her fiancé’s family, a woman admitted that his mother didn’t take it well and now wants nothing to do with her.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITA, she claimed that her mother-in-law completely disregarded a boundary that she attempted to set about her daughter. Now, the two of them are in a bit of a heated situation.
A mother-in-law said she’s ‘had enough’ of her son’s wife after she sent a text about overstepping boundaries.
“I sent a mass group text to my fiancé’s family about overstepping our boundaries with our 18-month-old daughter. For context, this has been an ongoing issue for months. Everyone on his side of the family wants alone time with her at their homes, but we’re not comfortable with that until she can speak,” the daughter-in-law began in her Reddit post.
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She shared the exact message that she sent to her fiancé’s family, and she was nothing but respectful as she addressed the family members. She pointed out that she just wanted to address a recurring problem and that no one had been given permission to watch her daughter at any house, event, or environment that wasn’t inside the comfort of their house.
She insisted that this has been something she’s spoken about with her fiancé’s side of the family multiple times, but needed to reiterate it because people kept overstepping boundaries.
“(My daughter) is not staying at anyone’s home without us present unless we say otherwise. (She) is not going to any event without us present unless we say otherwise. We ask that you respect our choices as her parents and not question or pressure us to reconsider a firm boundary we have set for our daughter,” she continued.
Just to make sure that no one would think she was being rude or nasty by sending that message, she emphasized that this was all coming from a place of compassion and love, but apparently, her mother-in-law didn’t think so. After sending the message, her mother-in-law responded with a long message claiming that she was done with her son’s soon-to-be-wife.
“She commented on how I was the reason she doesn’t have a good relationship with her granddaughter and that everyone has to ‘walk on eggshells’ around me out of fear of never seeing my daughter.”
The mom has a right to set a boundary when it comes to her daughter, and her in-laws should be able to respect that.
Parents have every right to enforce boundaries when it comes to their kids whether other people agree with those boundaries or not.
According to the mom, visits just need to happen in a controlled and pre-arranged location. Especially for first-time parents, this is a pretty normal request. After realizing that her daughter is safe, she would likely become more comfortable with others watching her daughter, but now that her mother-in-law has burned that bridge, healing the relationship will be more difficult.
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If her mother-in-law wants to forge a relationship with her granddaughter, she should just reach out and schedule a visit at their home instead of throwing a fit and accusing her of trying to keep everyone from seeing her baby.
This woman’s message was not rude and it did not indicate that she wanted to prevent her fiancé’s family from seeing her daughter.
Considering she’s a first-time parent, it’s natural that she’d have worries and reservations about who she wants around her daughter. What’s unclear in all of this is where her fiancé falls in the disagreement.
According to expertswhen it comes to in-laws, both parents need to be involved in communications and setting boundaries. In fact, a study from 2021 found that couples who jointly discuss boundaries with extended family before communicating them are less likely to divorce.
At the end of the day, this woman was not trying to be difficult or shut her mother-in-law out when it came to getting to know and spending time with her granddaughter. It seems there are already underlying issues between the two, especially on her mother-in-law’s side, and it might be helpful to address them sooner rather than later if she plans on marrying into their family.
At the very least, her soon-to-be husband should get more involved.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
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