My husband suddenly asked for a separation and moved out

I am a 33-year-old accountant earning VND10 million ($380) a month. My husband is 34, a deputy head of the technical department at a factory, with an average income of VND24 million. We dated for four years before getting married. When we began our relationship, I was already working while he was still completing his studies and graduated later because he had to retake several courses.

After marriage, we lived together for only six months before having to live 60 km apart because of his job. He returned home once or twice a month. When our second child was four months old, I went back to work and brought both children to live with him. We have lived together again for about a year.

We currently rent a room. We have two daughters, aged five and two.

We recently took out a VND550 million bank loan with monthly repayments of VND10 million to buy a small plot of land. Each month, my husband pays the bank interest and transfers about VND8 million to me. Combined with my salary, I cover all household expenses, including daily living costs and school fees. He asks me to save VND3-5 million each month but I find this difficult given the high living costs in the city. I spend only on necessary items and save whatever is left. I try not to be wasteful.

I have been described as a gentle, simple and traditional woman. I work eight hours a day then pick up the children, do housework and take care of them. Most household chores fall on me as my husband often works late and returns home around 7-8 p.m., after which he eats, showers and sleeps. He is quiet and reserved, but also rather conservative and patriarchal. I understand the pressure of his job and avoid asking him to share housework unless he has time.

My husband is sexually active and often asks for intimacy daily. Despite being tired from work and childcare, I try to accommodate him four to five times a week. When my sleep is interrupted, I sometimes become irritated, which upsets him. We have slept separately since our first child was born.

I have a bit of a temper. I tend to complain when our children misbehave or when my husband is untidy but I stop once the issue is resolved. At those moments, he feels offended and says I constantly criticize him and the children, that he is unlucky to have a wife who nags him. In my view, I only offer suggestions without using insults. He has threatened violence but has never acted on it.

Yesterday, after drinking, he suggested that we live apart for a while and said he would move out. I was shocked. He gave no clear reason, only saying he was exhausted. I checked with his colleagues and found no issues at work or signs of an affair. I have also found nothing unusual on his phone.

I am now confused and distressed, questioning whether the problem lies with me or him. I do not want a separation, especially as our children are still very young and need their father. There are moments when I want to take my own my life, but thinking of my young children who need their mother, my father who has passed away, and my 70-year-old mother who might not withstand such a shock, I cannot bring myself to do it. I hope to receive some advice.