Figuring out how to get someone’s attention is a struggle that every socially anxious person knows all too well. Should you speak up, even if that’s totally out of character? And what do you do if they’re in the middle of a conversation?
Like pretty much everything, this problem is only made worse when you’re at 30,000 feet. Being on a plane does seem to bring out the worst in people, but one passenger meant absolutely nothing rude by reaching out to tap her flight attendant on the arm. The flight attendant didn’t take it very well, though, and now the woman is worried she’ll “never recover.”
A passenger tapped her flight attendant’s arm to get her attention and was completely taken aback by her response.
Lucie Fink shared an interaction that occurred a year ago on Instagram and ignited quite the debate in the process. Fink needed to get her flight attendant’s attention on a plane for a simple reason, so she just did something that felt like second nature, with pretty detrimental results.
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“The flight attendant passed my seat with the drink cart, and I thought she skipped our row, so I touched her arm gently and said, ‘Sorry, when you get a chance, can I trouble you?’ But she cut me off and said back to me loudly, ‘DO NOT touch the flight attendants,’” she recounted.
Nobody wants to miss out on complimentary refreshments on a flight, but Fink didn’t expect her question would cause a scene. “Everybody turned to look,” she continued. “I know she’s right and I shouldn’t have tapped her, but now my entire week is ruined, and I’m spiraling, and I may never recover because interactions like these haunt me for years.”
People were able to see the situation from both Fink’s and the flight attendant’s perspectives.
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A lot of people left comments of support and reassurance for Fink after her unfortunate encounter. “As a flight attendant, I can assure you, she completely overreacted,” one person said. “A tap on the arm is a very much OK interaction.”
Someone else explained why the situation felt so troubling for Fink. “For those who don’t know, it’s not the rejection, it’s how it was reciprocated,” they said. “Those with social anxiety will often rethink scenarios that could have been resolved differently.”
Another flight attendant shared a different take, though. “Sometimes those little touches like yours are meant in a polite way but other times they are meant by passengers to be aggressive or assertive and so we get triggered easily by the more innocent of physical interactions as a result,” they commented.
It seems like this could be a learning opportunity for both Fink and the flight attendant.
For many of us, tapping someone on the arm seems like a perfectly normal and acceptable thing to do. Etiquette experts say that it should technically be avoided, though, because even when it’s done with good intentions, it does still mean touching someone without their consent.
U.K.-based etiquette coach William Hanson stated simply, “The hard and fast rule about touching strangers is that you shouldn’t.” Elaine Swann, another etiquette expert, added, “Do not touch people without their permission unless you’re trying to save them from something.”
At the same time, raising your voice, especially at a stranger, isn’t really the best move unless it’s absolutely necessary. People often pick up more readily on the tone someone uses when speaking than they do on what they actually said, so what could have been meant as a firm reminder could easily be taken the wrong way.
So, it sounds like both Fink and the flight attendant were off base. It doesn’t really feel like either of them should be harshly judged for their honest reactions to an awkward situation, though. No one really needs to bear some kind of blame here.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
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