Everyone has preferences and dealbreakers when it comes to dating, whether that’s based on looks, personality, values, or lifestyle goals.
For some men, single moms fall on the do-not-date list. Some of these men were even raised by single moms that they absolutely adore. So, what gives?
There’s a sad reason why some men refuse to date single moms, even if they were raised by one.
“You know what I really think is interesting?” life coach Shawnda asked in a TikTok.
“That a man could be raised by a single mother whom he loves and cherishes. He will tell you how good his mother is and how amazing she was,” she said. “How much she sacrificed so that he and his little sister could have everything they wanted and needed in life. And how, if he ever got rich, he would buy his mother a house.”
In the same breath that these men praise their mothers, they insult and look down upon other single mothers in the same situation.
“His mother was a saint (who) never did anything wrong,” Shawnda detailed. “But a single mother — she’s been ran through. She doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve that. She should have done a better job picking her child’s father.”
Instead of blaming fathers who walk out or refuse to support the mother of their children, they turn this misdirected anger and resentment on single moms who are trying to do right by their children — just like their own moms did.
“I think what it truly is,” Shawnda hypothesized, “if you’re honest, you actually do harbor some ill feelings towards your own mother.”
“You’re mad at her that she didn’t do as good a job as you wanted her to, to pick your father,” she continued. “A lot of this is projection, but they don’t wanna go to therapy or to read the books or get the counseling to really get down to the bottom of their own mommy issues.”
Single mothers face a myriad of discrimination that’s often overlooked.
In 2020, a Single Parent Rights survey found that 96% of respondents reported experiencing — or knowing someone who has experienced — discrimination because of their status as single parents.
It’s rarely acknowledged that single parents, especially single mothers, deal with an excessive amount of unnecessary judgment and criticism, especially on social media. They’re either put on an unattainable pedestal of being heroes or seen as victims or failures.
However, seldom do we look at how single mothers are often more susceptible to experiencing financial problems or social isolation. There is little assistance in place to help single mothers take care of their children. Oftentimes, when they do utilize those benefits, whether it’s SNAP or other federally funded programs, they’re shamed for it.
Many single mothers, especially online, are also extremely vocal about the hardships of dating.
Whether it’s men who turn their noses up at single parents, as Shawnda pointed out, or those who only see them as “baggage,” single mothers face an exceptional challenge when attempting to date.
The bias that exists in our society toward single mothers is truly saddening, but especially so when it’s perpetrated by men who were raised by single mothers themselves. If anything, they should be the most sympathetic and compassionate.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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