The 17-year-old had been struggling with insomnia and isolating himself in his room for months. Believing their son’s interest was influenced by his peers, Hoang’s mother took him to a doctor, while his father got the shaman to drive out “evil spirits.”
Initially resistant, Hoang eventually gave in to family pressure and underwent various hospital tests to examine his hormones, genes and chromosomes.
During a consultation, he admitted to the doctor that he had feelings for men, but the pressure of being the family’s eldest grandson forced him to stay silent. Once his family found out he became stressed and exhausted, withdrawing from school out of shame and insecurity.
He began questioning himself, and at times, even considered suicide, as he could not find a way out. The tense family atmosphere also took a toll on his mother, who turned to sleep medication and struggled to focus at work.
On Oct. 4, Pham Quang Khai, a doctor in the urology and andrology department at E Hospital, told the family that Hoang’s homosexuality was not a disease and could not be treated, but he also had severe anxiety and depression. He advised the family to be calm and listen to their son, warning that further emotional harm could lead to tragic consequences.
Giang, 24, felt she was a girl trapped in a boy’s body. She secretly injected female hormones and saved money for gender reassignment surgery. When her parents noticed the changes, they reacted with anger, locking her in her room and also bringing in a shaman.
Despite this, she remained determined to transition, saying that “Every day in this body brings more pain and discomfort.”
Truong Son, 14, experiences anxiety after coming out as gay. His family, noticing something “physically abnormal,” took him to a doctor. But the parents’ actions only heightened his stress and anxiety. After explaining Son’s situation to his parents, the doctor advised him to be understanding and give his parents more time to accept it.
Dr. Khai examines a patient. Photo by Read/Thuy An |
The World Health Organization defines homosexuality as sexual attraction to individuals of the same gender. It removed homosexuality and gender identity disorder from its International Classification of Diseases in 1990 and 2019.
Dr. Le Thi Thuy Hang of the National Institute of Mental Health says LGBTQIA+ individuals (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, and others) face higher risks of mental health issues compared to the general population.
They are more vulnerable to discrimination, verbal abuse and physical violence within their families and at schools and workplaces, which makes them more sensitive. The process of coming out often heightens the risk of depression.
According to Hang, coming out is a difficult psychological struggle, particularly within the family. In Vietnam, the barriers and stigma faced by LGBT people are significant, increasing their risk of depression, stress and anxiety, all of which impact their physical and mental development.
The ministry estimates there are 300,000 men who have sex with men, a quarter of them in HCMC. Most have experienced discrimination, stigma and violence, leading to lives marked by anxiety and depression.
A 2021 study by the Hanoi Medical University Hospital on MSM over the age of 16 found that 14.2% suffered from depression, with 2.7% experiencing severe levels. Another study by the Institute for Studies of Society, Economy, and Environment (iSEE) in 2015 of some 2,400 people found that over 62% had been pressured by their families to change their appearance and gestures, and 60.2% had been scolded or pressured.
Research done in 2011 by the Center for Creative Initiatives in Health and Population and iSEE into violence against gay men found that 13 out of 17 participants had been physically abused by family members. All 17 had experienced varying degrees of depression. A 2021 national survey of 35,000 LGBTQIA+ youth found that 42% had considered suicide.
Explaining the cause, Huynh Minh Thao, a sexual minority rights advocate, says many parents remain misinformed about LGBTQ issues, often viewing them as “unnatural, contagious or abnormal behaviors.”
“These are natural developments that cannot be guided, spread or ‘cured,’ as many parents mistakenly believe.”
Scientific studies show efforts to “convert” a child result in severe harm to their physical and mental health. These traumas may not always be visible, but can linger and impact the person for life. Depression increases the risk of suicide, alcohol and drug abuse and unsafe sexual behavior that can lead to HIV infection. The HIV rate, according to the ministry, increased more than fivefold between 2012 and 2020 from 2.3% of the population to 13.3%.
Khai notes: “All parents want their children to be happy but may unintentionally hurt them by not knowing how to support them.” He advises LGBTQ individuals to approach coming out with calmness and consideration, choosing the right moment.
“You should only come out when you feel confident, in control, and proud of who you are.”
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