Toxic attachment in relationships: Key signs and steps to build a stronger connection

New Delhi: A strong foundation of any relationship is built on emotional connection, mutual respect, and genuine care for one another. However, couples may sometimes find themselves in a toxic relationship dynamic, where their bond is based not on love or emotional connection, but on a sense of attachment. This attachment can be rooted in dependency and fear of being alone, rather than a real connection.

In such cases, couples often want to stay together but may not know how to handle difficult situations or how to foster a truly loving relationship. They might feel confused about their emotions, questioning, “Is this love, or simply attachment?” If you find yourself asking this, it might be time to assess whether your relationship has become toxic.

Dr. Rachna K Singha renowned Mental Health Coach at Artemis Hospital, outlines key signs of a toxic relationship and shares strategies to help couples rebuild a healthier emotional bond.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship Based on Attachment

1. Constant Arguments with No Resolution: Frequent arguments without any meaningful resolution are a common sign of a toxic dynamic. When partners engage in repetitive, unresolved arguments, it’s often because the focus is on venting frustration, rather than effectively solving the issue at hand.
2. Staying Together Out of Fear or Convenience: A significant indication of toxic attachment is staying in the relationship out of fear – fear of being alone, fear of losing comfort or routine. Relationships driven by attachment often lack true emotional fulfilment but continue due to familiarity or convenience.
3. Emotional Detachment: In a healthy relationship, partners are emotionally invested in each other’s well-being. However, when emotional detachment sets in, it’s a clear sign that something is wrong. You may say “I love you” and share responsibilities, but if the emotional depth is missing, your relationship could be suffering from toxic attachment.
4. Disregarding Red Flags: In a toxic relationship, it’s common to ignore red flags or justify unhealthy behaviours. You might remain in the relationship despite emotional harm, simply because you’re afraid of what might happen if you leave.
5. One-Sided Efforts: One partner may feel like they’re doing all the emotional work to maintain the relationship, while the other seems disinterested or emotionally absent. This imbalance is a hallmark of relationships driven by attachment rather than love.

How to Rebuild a Healthier Relationship

If you recognise any of these signs in your relationship, don’t despair. While navigating a toxic attachment can be challenging, it’s possible to rebuild a more emotionally connected and fulfilling bond. Here are some strategies to help:

1. Acknowledge the Problem: The first step towards change is acknowledging that there is an issue. Both partners need to recognise that the current dynamic is unhealthy. Open and honest communication is essential to understanding how the relationship is affecting both individuals.
2. Work on Emotional Vulnerability: Start opening up about your true feelings, including fears, hopes, and insecurities. Vulnerability, though uncomfortable at first, can foster trust and emotional closeness, creating a foundation for a healthier relationship.
3. Seek Professional Help: If toxic patterns persist, seeking professional counselling can provide valuable tools and strategies. Couple therapy can guide partners through difficult conversations and help rebuild healthier communication habits.
4. Prioritise Quality Time: Spending meaningful, uninterrupted time together is crucial. Whether it’s through weekly date nights, shared hobbies, or simply engaging in deep conversations, these moments can help couples reconnect on a deeper emotional level.
5. Set Healthy Boundaries: Setting clear and healthy boundaries regarding your needs and expectations allows both partners to respect each other’s emotional space and autonomy, a vital component of any successful relationship.

Toxic relationships based on attachment rather than love can be emotionally exhausting, but they aren’t necessarily doomed. Recognising the signs of toxic attachment is the first step towards healing. By fostering open communication, emotional vulnerability, and mutual growth, it’s possible to rebuild a relationship based on emotional connection and happiness. Both partners need to be equally committed to this process to ensure lasting change and emotional well-being.