Wedding Photographer Explains How She Can Tell A Couple Won’t Make It Within The First Hour Of Meeting Them
Wedding photographer Ona Vicente shared some signs she’s picked up from her professional experience that a relationship is, in her words, “gonna flop.”
People who work on any aspect of proposals or weddings see a revolving door of couples that each has their differences. As a wedding photographer, Vicente feels like she has developed a bit of a sixth sense for knowing when a couple isn’t going to work out. She didn’t mention how accurate her track record is, but since she spends all of her working hours around couples who should be smitten, she probably has a pretty solid perspective.
The wedding photographer explained that she can usually tell a couple won’t make it based on their communication style.
A lot of the things Vicente picks up on when photographing a couple are related to their communication, and experts agree. The relationship experts at the Gottman Institute noted, “In intimate relationships, effective communication serves as the foundation that keeps partners in sync.” Vicente’s experiences certainly seem to act as a testament to this truth.
One of the first things she mentioned was being “dressed to go to two completely different places.” This indicates that a couple hasn’t actually talked about the photoshoot, which calls into question what it is they’re talking about at all. Also problematic is constant bickering or even bullying.
Vicente shared that she has seen couples argue over details as minor as whether or not they’re going to keep their coats on for a picture in the winter. She added, “If you make fun of each other in a mean way during the shoot, that’s really weird to me.” That’s definitely not going to create a loving atmosphere.
The biggest sign she watches out for is her own intuition, though.
Obviously, no couple is perfect, and everyone is going to argue from time to time. Psychology even suggests that it’s healthy for couples to argue as long as they maintain a sense of respect. And, in all fairness, an engagement or wedding photoshoot would be a pretty stressful situation that could bring out the worst in people. Maybe some of these signs Vicente looks for could be easily explained.
However, there’s really no way to work around the thing that she said is the biggest indicator of a couple staying together. “I think you can feel it,” she said. “I can feel it within the hour. I’m like, ‘Oh yeah, they’re gonna last,’ … or, ‘This person doesn’t like the other person.’”
Vicente called her ability to pick up on this a “spidey sense” that she’s developed after working with couples for so long. Obviously, this is just a gut instinct, and there’s no way to measure or quantify it, but it makes sense that someone whose entire career is made up of working with engaged and married couples would just pick up on the ability to predict if they will make it.
There is wisdom in trusting your gut, even if it feels difficult.
Vicente’s instincts are far from just pseudo-science, though. Psychologists John Gottman and Robert Levenson gave this idea scientific credence with a 1976 experiment. The pair observed 52 different couples talking with each other, and then checked in with them again three years later. They hypothesized which would still be together, and found they were right 90% of the time.
Vlada Karpovich | Pexels
Of course, it can be difficult to make that kind of call when you’re actually in the relationship. You may think everything is going well because you want it to be, or you may be willing to overlook red flags that people on the outside can easily see.
Still, your instincts are to be trusted, and they don’t leave you completely just because you’re hoping for a certain outcome. Vicente’s words prove that the best way to determine if a relationship is going to work might just be going off of the feeling it gives, as scary as that may sound. Sometimes you truly just have to take a leap of faith.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
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