Is it love or just a mental obsession? Are you a victim of Limerence? Know the difference between real and fake love

Relationship Psychology: In the world of modern dating, we often get so attracted towards someone that we start spending our day and night thinking about that person. Many times we feel that this is true love but according to psychologists this situation may not be love but limerence. This is a mental state where instead of building a real relationship with a person, you start living an imaginary story woven around him in your mind.

what is limerence

According to information, limerence is an intense emotional obsession with a person where your mind is repeatedly drawn towards that person. It’s more about knowing a person than the feeling that person creates within you. Simply put, limerence is not a relationship but a story you are telling yourself.

Important stages of limerence

According to experts, limerence does not come suddenly but it develops in four stages.

Attraction: Feeling an intense and immediate spark or connection.

Intrusive thoughts: When you can’t stop thinking about that person.

Emotional Dependence: When your mood starts completely depending on that person’s reaction or message.

Fallout or staining: This is when reality doesn’t match your imagination and the illusion begins to crumble.

Symbolic photo (Ms. Freepik)

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difference between love and limerence

The difference between these two is very subtle but important. While love is grounded and based on mutual understanding, limerence takes you completely under its grip and you put the other person on a pedestal, away from reality. Love expands your world while limerence narrows it down to just one person.

Limerence often acts like a drug used to relieve loneliness. When your happiness hinges on someone texting back or noticing you, it creates a cycle of anxiety and emotional ups and downs. This condition is often linked to old emotional wounds or unmet needs where you pin your hopes on a stranger in search of security.

how to get rid of it

Limerence cannot be eliminated overnight but it can be understood and managed. The first step is to recognize this pattern. Experts suggest reconnecting with your routine and other relationships and questioning your fantasies. Since this is often a sign of old trauma, seeking professional help or therapy may prove to be the most effective approach.