A woman is getting real about the woes of aging after watching her younger husband conquer the world while she feels as if she is at a stagnant and rather defeating point in her life.
Even though there is only a six-year age gap between the two, she feels her “own age” for the first time in her life while her husband is at his peak.
She cannot help but feel inadequate, admitting that she feels “too old” for her husband and has never felt more alone.
A 41-year-old woman fears that she is at the end of her life while her 35-year-old husband is in his prime.
Opening up about her concerns on the subreddit r/AskWomenOver40the woman revealed that she and her 35-year-old husband have been together for six years and married for two.
When they first met, the woman claimed that they were both youthful and spirited, acting much younger than they actually were. However, as the years have passed, she is beginning to really feel all that comes with aging.
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Her husband is experiencing a new lease on life, and she feels left behind.
“I lost both my parents and grandparents in the last two years, which I think contributed to feeling older,” she shared. “I also have more health problems and just not a great outlook on life anymore.”
While the woman feels as if she is rapidly declining, her husband appears to be on top of the world. “He has started working out, he’s powerlifting, he went back to school to get his PhD, he is socializing so much more,” she wrote. “Yesterday he was talking about how happy he is about his future and this new lease on life he seems to have.”
While the woman is proud and happy that her husband is enjoying his life at the moment, she cannot help but feel as if she is being left behind.
“I suddenly feel too old for him. He feels like he is at the beginning of life, and I feel like I am at the end of mine,” she admitted. “I find myself feeling jealous of his energy, Outlook, and youth, and also feel bad because I don’t want him to be stuck with an old lady for a wife.”
Even though they are in love, the woman fears her husband’s attraction to her will fade as she grows older and eventually goes through menopause.
“When I talk to him about it he says I am being silly and he still sees me as young, but I know I’m not,” she says.
Other women assured her that she was not alone in her feelings.
“This sounds a lot like how I’ve been feeling. My husband is 35 and I am 40… We were so in love the first year and he also said I was being silly about my concerns about age. But then he started to want a baby and the age gap suddenly became very real,” one Redditor commented.
“I totally feel you. I am in the same boat.”
“I’m 58. I felt ancient at 48, and then sexy and young at 52. Then again around 54 I started to feel old and got a second wind at 56. That is the reality of aging, there will be times when you will feel like a young girl, and times when you will feel like you’re starting to come down the other side of the mountain,” another user shared.
“Be a little kinder to yourself (after you find out what you can do medically in case you are nearing menopause or suffering from depression).”
While people validated the woman’s feelings, many also assured her that her life was far from over and that she should try to take advantage of her 40s the best way she could.
“I’m 39, my husband is 34. I turn 40 in January. My life is just starting and I’m going to grab it by the balls,” one user revealed. “I’m focused on ME and what I want for ME. I don’t compare… Your reality is what you make it.”
“I’m 50 and I feel like I’m in the prime of my life!” another user happily reported.
“Girl you aren’t even close to the end of your life. You just need some kind of kick in the (behind),” another user wrote, suggesting that the woman pick up a new hobby, start exercising, or see a doctor to learn more about why she is feeling the way she does.
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Some people proposed the possibility that the woman’s grief of losing her parents so close together may have something to do with her feeling stuck in life and urged her to seek the help of a therapist.
However, many women in their 40s experience an identity crisis as they get older, even if their parents are alive and well.
Entering a new decade forces many people to reflect on the choices they’ve made in the past, and how their identity has evolved in both good and bad ways.
Perhaps in your early 20s, you were able to stay out all night and dance until the sun came up but struggled to land a steady job. Now, in your 40s, you may have a successful career and more financial wealth than you ever imagined but struggle to stay awake past 8 p.m.
You may feel lost as your priorities shift.
Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D., explained exactly why women entering new decades may experience some angst, and why it is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
When a woman reaches her 40s, she may start to question her purpose in life.
“The yearning is to ensure the significance and value of your efforts. You might be coping with the ongoing inequality in the workplace, continually feeling misunderstood and mismanaged, and a ‘niggling’ voice that says you have a bigger dream and purpose to achieve,” Reynolds told Psychology Today.
“You could re-create yourself at work or drop off the corporate ladder unless the organization is big enough to give you a lateral move to explore what else is possible. If you decide to move on, you might have some hits and misses before you successfully land on a new path.”
You may find yourself struggling to re-invent yourself and feel as if your life is over, especially if you have a younger significant other who appears to be in the prime of their life.
While it can be difficult not to compare yourself with others in your own age group, it is important to keep in mind that we all experience our own unique paths in life. We may feel miserable at 35 and on top of the world at 50, while others may feel the exact opposite.
Aging is quite a journey, filled with some of the highest highs and lowest lows. You are bound to experience the occasional mid or quarter-life crisis, feeling as if you are failing or falling behind.
However, there is no right or wrong way to experience aging.
It is never too late to undergo a self-transformation.
Your reality is truly what you make of it. While we may not have control over getting older, we do have the power to embrace it and enjoy it.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.
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