Nothing sparks a debate when it comes to baby shower etiquette, quite like gifts. You’ve got your registry devotees on one hand and the guests who like to pick what they think will be unique on the other — then, however, you’ve got the few who are adamant that an invite does not and should not mandate that a guest bring a gift.
One woman seemed to reach her baby shower breaking point after receiving an invitation requiring all guests to restrict their purchases to registry items only. Enraged and vowing not to attend at all, the woman took to Reddit to air her grievances.
A woman refused to attend a baby shower because the host requested guests only purchase gifts from the registry.
The frustrated guest took to X to vent about the recent invitation she received for a baby shower. “I got invited to a baby shower, and on the invite, it said ‘please purchase gifts from the baby registry,’” she wrote in the post, which has been viewed 12.1 million times. “I’m sorry, if you invite me to a party and then tell me where and how to buy a present — I’m not coming — and you’re not getting a present.”
A registry ensures that expectant parents get exactly what they need for their expanding family without worrying about space, duplicate gifts, and unnecessary clutter.
When a couple is expecting a baby and plans on having a baby shower, they usually create a registry so that their loved ones can purchase items they need or want for the baby. A registry also helps avoid duplicates since it typically will show those looking to buy gifts what has already been purchased.
Even if expectant parents may not require guests to buy gifts strictly from the registry, many of them find it helpful since registry gifts are items they picked out specifically for a reason. Maybe they added the pack-and-play since they travel a lot or the stuffed giraffe to go with the zoo theme of their nursery.
While most etiquette experts agree that buying off a registry should never be mandatory, Lee Ramsay, event planner and owner of Lee Ramsay Eventstold Parents, “Registries are created by the expectant parents to help guests select items they genuinely need or want for their baby. By choosing a gift from the registry, you are giving something that is practical and meaningful to the parents-to-be.” Translation: That’s what they want, and that’s what they will use.
The woman who originally received the invitation echoed her thoughts with a controversial take. “I can’t believe I have to type this out but: No one owes you a gift because you got pregnant, and certainly, no one owes you a specific gift of your choosing because you got pregnant,” she shared.
While not all parents expect gifts because they choose to have children, a baby shower is typically held to celebrate the parents-to-be and metaphorically shower them with support. Sometimes, people may choose to demonstrate their support through gifts.
However, buying gifts is not always feasible, and if you can’t, a thoughtful card or an offering of your time and help in other ways can also be appreciated. It is also important to note that there are unspoken reasons besides not being able to afford gifts why even your closest loved ones may not want to go to your baby shower. They could be dealing with infertility or loss, and being surrounded by baby-themed parties and gifts could be incredibly painful for them.
Ultimately, this woman might be making a mountain out of a molehill. Chances are the parents-to-be would have no problem with guests foregoing a gift for the shower. In the same breath, asking guests to only purchase gifts that were on the registry should not be interpreted as greedy. Perhaps these parents just wanted to make it easier for everyone and avoid trying to find space for items they simply have no room for.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
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