In the age of modern dating, it’s not uncommon to see young women sharing their desires to marry a man who makes more money than they do.
Debates about 50/50 relationships versus dating rich permeate social media and cause quite a discourse; however, a woman admitted that she wished she had thought more about the outcome after marrying a man solely for his wealth.
Looking back on her life, a woman shared the unsettling reason why she regrets marrying for money.
Posting to the subreddit r/confessionshe explained that she married a wealthy 40-year-old man when she was only 19. The two started dating when she was 17, and while she acknowledged that the dynamic was disturbing, considering she was still a child and this older man should’ve known better, at the time, it was something that she wanted.
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“The only reason he married me is because I was hot. The only reason I married him is because he had money,” she wrote in her Reddit post. “I actually do have other redeeming characteristics but he married me because I was hot. I know this. Everyone knows this.”
She admitted that it didn’t feel great but it was just something that she learned to deal with. Now, the two of them have been married for 20 years and have four kids together.
The woman said that while she loves her husband, if she could go back, she wouldn’t have married him.
She described their life as being quite stable, and at this point, they have more in common.
While they’ve grown to love each other, she confessed that if she could go back in time, she would’ve stopped her younger self from marrying him.
She said that no one bothered to tell her that marrying for money meant owing your husband everything — for the rest of your life. She claimed that it wasn’t just intimacy but in other aspects of life as well.
“The stuff you never imagined someone else trying to decide for you. And you don’t just owe him for the money. It’s a lot heavier than that,” she wrote.
“He’ll never say it out loud. But you’ll know the deal. Fundamentally unequal. He’ll pull rank at the most random times and it will make you feel like you’re falling through the floor.”
She admitted that she doesn’t hate her life or the way that it turned out but she wanted to warn others.
“I accept that I made this bed and I have to lie in it but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone else. My oldest daughter is two years younger than I was when I met my husband and I can’t imagine.”
While this doesn’t reflect on every heterosexual relationship where a husband makes more money than his wife, this dynamic is also not uncommon.
There’s also been a recent trend on social media where influencers are encouraging young girls to strive to marry a man who is rich. New York magazine recently featured a few of them, including a self-described “spoiled girl” matchmaker and a YouTube guru whose dating advice focuses on marrying for money rather than love.
In an opinion essay for the GuardianEmma Beddington explained that this kind of advice feels quite bleak, especially during a time when women are graduating college at impressive levels compared to men and dominating the workforce where they’re finding success.
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“For a start, it nourishes the manosphere’s dimmest, most damaging ideas about women as shallow gold-diggers who crave an ‘alpha,'” Beddington wrote.
“Then that kept woman life of financial dependency, even consciously chosen, feels so retrograde, so vulnerable and anxious. How could anyone find a time of stashing away pin money or building up a running away fund aspirational?” she questioned. “All those hard-won rights to own property, to inherit, to equal pay, the continuing struggle to close the gender pay gap exchanged for a powerless soft life?”
On the other hand, it’s understandable why women would want to have a man take care of them financially. With the gender pay gap and other inequities in the workplace, it’s no wonder why women feel dismayed at the possibility of being able to support themselves.
But at the same time, this pursuit of financial security at the hands of a partner can mean that you’re giving up your independence and autonomy, and if there’s something that women should always fight for is the right to have control over their lives.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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