Dating etiquette and how to behave on a first date is a controversial topic, and nothing divides singles quite like the big question of who should pay on the first date. When it comes to heterosexual couples, there has been a longstanding tradition of men being expected to pick up the tab.
But now that more women are embracing their independence, many people are choosing to just split the bill evenly. There is not necessarily a right way to approach the subject, but there is a wrong way, and a woman on TikTok definitely just encountered someone who handled their expensive first date all wrong.
A woman’s date expected them to split the tab before boasting about his high salary.
TikTok user Alex (@alexandloveland) posted a video sharing her story of a recent first date she went on with a man. “I just woke up, and I have to tell y’all what this man did on a first date last night,” Alex tells viewers at the start of the video.
She revealed that she was asked out to dinner by a man who let her choose the restaurant for their first date. Alex said her date told her to pick anywhere she wanted to go, “just not somewhere the drinks are $30.”
Alex had no issue with the fact that her date appeared to be saving money, saying, “I was like, okay, cool, we’re young, people are saving, and not everyone has a lot of money, and I don’t really care about that stuff.” In the end, she picked a small bar in their local town.
The date went pretty well, but it took a turn when the bill arrived.
During the date, Alex shared that they both ordered two drinks and entrees, and the total was around $90. “He goes, this is almost $100, you want to split it? And I was like, sure, of course, that’s not what I have a problem with,” Alex said. “He doesn’t have any obligation to pay [the entire bill], I don’t know his financials, whatever.”
However, Alex revealed that later in the night, her date decided to tell her his annual salary. “He goes, oh, just so you know, I make like $100,000 a year, you know, like I have lots of money,” she said. Her date claimed he “wanted to break the stereotype of men paying for the first date.”
Alex did not have a problem with her date’s beliefs or that she had to split the bill; however, she did not appreciate that he did not share this information with her sooner, and she felt that she had been lied to. “If you’re going to lie, don’t be condescending about it,” Alex captioned the video.
Social norms still dictate that the man pay the bill, especially on a first date.
Commenters stated that Alex’s date should have paid, not because he was a man, but because he was the one who asked her out. “It doesn’t matter how much he makes. He asked you out, and he pays. The first red flag is him telling you to pick somewhere with drinks less than $30,” one user pointed out.
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Research has revealed that the majority of people (72%) believe that, in a heterosexual relationship, the man should be the one to pick up the bill for the first date. The 2024 study from NerdWallet also discovered that, perhaps surprisingly, 78% of men feel this way compared to 68% women. This could be attributed to upholding old-fashioned gender norms, or something else entirely.
Of course, every couple is different, and it could also depend on several personal factors. Regardless of who pays for the date, it’s important to discuss money and values early on. Kimberly Palmer, a personal finance expert at NerdWallet, said, “Talking about money early on in a relationship doesn’t have to be awkward and in fact can help avoid discomfort later. Broaching the topic in a casual way can lead to a meaningful conversation about finances, values, and expectations.”
Megan Quinn is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
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