Despite coming to terms, as much as humanly possible, with the terminal illness that’s left her with just over a year to live, a 25-year-old Reddit woman can’t seem to navigate breaking the news to her parents.
In a recent post to the “Relationship Advice” forumshe explained that despite living abroad, she and her family are incredibly close. They spend just a few times a year together in person but chat on the phone almost every day.
Conflicted about sharing the news over the phone, she wrote, “Nobody knows except my partner, but I need and want to tell my parents … so it’s not a shock and because I need them.”
A 25-year-old woman is conflicted about how to tell her parents that she’s dying.
Providing some backstory, she explained, “A few months ago I started getting some weird symptoms … and went to the doctor who referred me for more tests. Because I didn’t want to worry my parents before we knew it was anything to worry about, my partner and I kept it to ourselves.”
However, when the tests came back, she faced the hardest news of her life — not only was she battling an incurable bowel cancer at just 25 years old, but she’d only have “a year or so at most” to live.
“I’m due to visit my parents in November I really need that visit to be as happy as it can be … How do I approach this conversation? It doesn’t feel like something that I can just drop into a phone call.”
The woman said she’s torn between telling her parents over the phone or flying out to tell them her diagnosis in person.
Debating between breaking the news over the phone or dedicating her next trip to having the conversation in person, she turned to Reddit for advice.
While it’s considered relatively rare, the National Library of Medicine noted that cancer is actually the leading cause of death in people between 16 and 29, with an unusual uptick in colorectal cancer in younger demographics.
While it may seem unfathomable to some, this woman’s experience is more common than expected, and conversations like this are essential.
She stressed the importance of telling them sooner rather than later because she wants and needs their support, and so does her partner.
Since getting the diagnosis he has suffered “in silence” without anyone to lean on. “Aside from me, he’s the only person who knows and this is really hard on him … He needs someone, other than me, to talk about it with.”
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Many parents weighed in with their personal opinions about navigating this grief and suggested her best course of action was “not wasting any time.”
Parents urged the woman to tell her mom and dad right away.
“If I were to receive this news from my daughter, I would actually prefer it to be on a phone call,” one mom honestly shared. “This would allow me to process the news, without the need or desire to protect her from my pain. I wouldn’t have to worry about … facial expression or tears, I would only have to focus on my words.”
In addition to urging the woman to break the news over the phone, many suggested it’s better to say something now rather than a few months down the road.
“When time is short, every day matters,” another parent wrote. “It’s hard to know where to start, but just starting is the key … Let them grasp this for a moment … it’s a lot to get your head around.”
“I know it’s a lot for a phone call,” another wrote, “but you really don’t know how you’re going to be feeling in November. You need them …You may want to ask your doctor for a referral to a support group that your partner and parents can join.”
Terminal illness doesn’t just impact the sick person. It affects an entire family and community of loved ones. Every person has to rely on, support, and lean on the people around them — making the most of every moment and interaction.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories
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