I lied about my caste—now my relationship is on edge

I’m 23F and I’m extremely depressed. I have so much pressure in my head that I can’t even explain properly. I don’t know what to do in my situation, but I will try to explain everything.

I met a guy (29M) in my final year of university. We were together for one year. After that, he went abroad on a good scholarship, and I stayed in my country alone. That sudden change really broke me, and only I know how I survived that phase.

After going abroad, he talked to his family and asked them for a proposal for me. His family has agreed, and now it is my turn to talk to my family.

But here is my problem.

At the beginning of our relationship, he randomly asked me about my caste. I told him I belong to a higher caste (XYZ), which is not true. In reality, I belong to a lower caste, although we are all financially stable and middle class.

Now he is asking me to talk to my parents so he can formally send a marriage proposal. I am very scared about this caste issue because I lied about it.

I don’t know what I should do. Should I tell him first that I lied about my caste, or should I involve my family directly? My family is very strict, so to stay safe, I feel like I should first tell him and see his reaction. But I’m also afraid that if his reaction is negative, he might end the relationship or become angry.

I’m really confused. Should I talk to my family first or tell him first?

Also, my family wants me to focus on my career since I recently graduated and don’t have a job yet. They want me to go abroad for further studies and build my future. But if I tell them about my boyfriend, they will become strict and may not allow me to go abroad or continue my studies because they are very conservative.

On the other hand, my boyfriend is 29 and wants to get married soon. He says that after marriage he will take me abroad so I can continue my studies or get a job. This option seems easier from my perspective.

What should I do in this situation? Please don’t make fun of me. I need honest advice.

Thank you very much.

Solutions; Shahid Ali

I think you should tell everything about yourself to your partner because a relationship should be based on truth, not lies, and honesty towards each other. If he truly loves you, he will not mind it and will still pursue marriage, which could be a good option for you since he is also living abroad. It may be beneficial for you.

Jahanzaib Mehmood

I don’t know if there are castes that are considered higher or lower. Social status can change, but if your boyfriend has no issue with it, then it should not be a problem for either family. However, if his family is strict about caste, then you should tell him the truth.

Ramsha Javed

Talk to him first and clear everything. Let’s see if he is truly loyal to you; caste will not be an obstacle for him. After that, involve your families.

Ahsan Malik

You shouldn’t be depressed. On the contrary, you should be happy that he has gone abroad, is still in touch with you, and wants to marry you. While reading, I thought he might have gone and left you. Other things, like caste and all, are not that big of an issue.

The story is taken from DHA Ladies official group from Facebook and has more than 134k followers.

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