Nobody is happy all the time, forever. That’s just not what human beings are like. But some people haven’t felt happy in a long whileand they may start to wonder if they ever will. That’s often when depression starts to get to them.
When they’re at their wits’ end, they’ll express their frustrations with a few subtle phrases they often don’t even realize they’re saying. This is how you can tell they’re ready for a change or a some gentle professional support.
Phrases people who haven’t felt happy in awhile usually say in casual conversation
1. ‘I mostly stay home nowadays’
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Sad people don’t want to leave their home. Not because they’re homebodies, but because they don’t feel happy enough to go out and socialize. It isn’t healthy, but people who haven’t been happy for a while often use self-isolation as a coping mechanism for their poor mental health.
Their loved ones may beg them to go out, but they won’t budge. Once someone is unhappy, they’ll unconsciously stick to what’s most comfortable. By locking themselves in their rooms, they can avoid reality. Unfortunately, the longer they isolate, the harder it is to reconnect with the world around them.
2. ‘I’m just going through the motions’
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Once someone is sad for a while, you can’t pull them out of that rut, and it doesn’t matter how kind and understanding you are. You may notice they’re just going through the motions, doing what they’re supposed to do. They may even tell you that directly.
They aren’t living life to the fullest; they’re trying to survive. But in trying to survive, they allow stress to get the better of them. This isn’t great, as chronic stress leads to medical issues and can make mental health issues worse. This is why it’s important to seek professional help. Even if they don’t feel like they need it, going through the motions for too long can cause irreversible damage.
3. ‘I haven’t been myself lately’
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Depressed people often can’t remember the last time they were truly themselves. Because they’re caught up in their thoughts and emotions, it’s hard for them to just be happy, no matter how often their loved ones make the suggestion.
Depression drains who we are until we don’t recognize what we see in the mirror. That’s why it’s crucial to speak up. Even if it’s a tumbling mess of emotions, it’s better to let it out than to let it fester. The more people withhold, the worse it becomes.
4. ‘I miss how things used to be’
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It’s normal to miss fun times from the past, but there’s always something to be grateful for, whether that be supportive partners or loving friends. Unfortunately, people on the edge of depression may feel they have neither, even if that’s not actually true.
They want to appreciate the present, but they feel they can’t. Life didn’t pan out the way they expected it. Now, feeling lonelier than ever, they may spend hours daydreaming about what life used to be like.
5. ‘I just don’t know anymore’
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It can be hard to know how you feel after a long time without feeling truly happy. At this point, it isn’t even a painful feeling in their chest. As time passes, they become more numb.
This is why you’ll often hear them say, “I don’t know anymore.” Honestly, they feel completely lost. They’re probably not trying to be dramatic, they don’t know where to go from here.
Everything in their life feels the same: pointless. And while some may say it’s in their head, this feeling is completely normal. According to Psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD“Emotional numbness may be your brain’s way of protecting you from trauma, overwhelm, or an underlying mental health concern.” So, don’t be too hard on yourself. Give yourself time to sort through your emotions.
6. ‘I can’t remember the last time I felt excited’
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Being depressed isn’t about accidentally dropping your Starbucks order. While that’s certainly upsetting, true depression often comes with a flat emotional affect. It isn’t a pleasant feeling, it’s just sort of numb.
They want to be excited, but their brain is against them. When someone is stuck in this type of survival mode for a long period of time, they’ll need some support from loved ones and likely a trained clinician to find their way back to the sweetness of life.
7. ‘I don’t have the energy for much these days’
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Depressed people are often burned out as well as sad or numb. Often, they’ve pushed themselves to the extreme and exhausted themselves beyond repair. Now, chronically exhausted, they say, “I don’t have the energy for much.”
Burnout happens when constant stress leaves you exhausted. At work or at home, the constant demands from others can make life miserable and sad. That’s why it’s important to seek professional help. Once you reach this stage of burnout, it becomes hard to recover without help.
8. ‘I’ve been sleeping so much lately’
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When someone is miserable, they don’t know what to do. They’re chronically exhausted and stressed. Feeling like there’s no better way to handle these sensations, they sleep instead of talking about their problems. Call them avoidant, but they don’t have the energy to explain why they feel the way they feel and they’d rather just rest.
It sucks, but 90% of their energy is spent surviving. That’s why they’re often napping throughout the day. With little energy to spare, they’d rather sleep away their problems than think about their anxiety, which is why they may need a little encouragement to start making the changes that can help them feel better.
9. ‘I don’t feel like trying today’
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So many people are feeling burned out these days. At work, they’re worked to the bone and at home their efforts may be taken advantage of or simply unappreciated. Because they’re so emotionally drained, the one thing left to say is, “I don’t feel like trying today.”
Once someone reaches peak levels of misery, everyone else can kick rocks. It isn’t personal, it’s self-preservation. They no longer have the energy to deal with other people’s nonsense. They’re too caught up in surviving to care what others are demanding of them, which is a good sign others should take a break from the demands and have a conversation with them, instead.
10. ‘I’ve been leaving everyone on read lately’
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Most people feel awful for leaving you on read once they discover they’ve done it, as it’s usually an accident. But once someone hasn’t felt happy in a long time and the sadness starts settling in, they just may not know what to say to even the simplest text.
In the back of their mind, they don’t want to be a burden. And if they’re being real for a second, they’re caught up in their thoughts; they don’t notice how much time has passed.
This is a big sign it’s time to offer support in the ways that are meaningful for someone, as social isolation impacts our mental health and can lead to both depression and anxiety. That’s why it’s important to seek professional help when things get this dark. Human beings aren’t meant to be alone, but it’s hard to make connections when you’re struggling.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.