After talking to someone, it's common to think back over that conversation and think about everything you said. Especially when there is no clear indication from the other person that he enjoyed talking to you, many people immediately assume that perhaps he said something wrong during the conversation or was not able to talk properly. After this they start judging themselves. However, sometimes this is just our thinking. We pay too much attention to our small mistakes and hesitations, while the other person may see the same conversation completely differently. Similar situation in psychology 'Liking Gap' It is said.
Therapist Jeffrey Meltzer explains this concept in his Instagram video.
What is 'Liking Gap'?
According to Jeffrey Meltzer, people often feel that after a conversation the other person does not like them as much as they would like. Especially after meeting or talking to a new person, this thinking may arise more. Liking gap means that we often underestimate how much the other person actually likes us. We tend to notice the shortcomings of our conversation more, while the other person may not find those shortcomings as important.
Why do we start thinking like this?
One reason for this could be that we are completely aware of the fear, hesitation and negative thoughts going on in our mind, but the other person does not know these thoughts. For example, if something did not come out properly during a conversation or there was a few seconds of silence, then we can later remember the same incident again and again. We may feel that the other person may also have considered it strange. But it is not necessary that his experience was the same. After the conversation, we often start analyzing our own 'performance'. During this time, we focus too much on the things that went wrong and ignore the signs that the conversation actually went well.
Overthinking can affect relationships
When a person constantly feels that the other person does not like him, he may repeat the conversation over and over in his mind. He starts overanalyzing what he says and sometimes even avoids talking or contacting that person again. If this happens, a potential friendship or the beginning of a new relationship can also be affected. That is, just because of the fear that the other person does not like us, we ourselves can start maintaining distance from him.
Next time don't judge yourself immediately
If after a conversation you feel that the other person does not like you, avoid drawing this conclusion immediately without any concrete indication. It may be possible that you are paying too much attention to the small shortcomings of your conversation. Give the other person an opportunity to tell through his behavior what he thinks about you. It's possible that his experience of conversation was completely different from what you imagined and that he enjoyed spending time with you.
Share this story