The people who act the toughest sometimes struggle the most.
People who appear mentally and emotionally tough can feel like they’re falling apart behind the front they put up for everyone else. They are the ones who are burnt out and exhausted but don’t have the resources to do anything about it. They feel like they have to put up a front to their loved ones to keep the world turning. It’s hard to know how much someone is carrying when they’re used to hiding it, but certain phrases can offer a glimpse of how they feel.
People who seem mentally and emotionally tough but are actually struggling often say these 6 phrases:
1. ‘I’m just tired’
We live in a society where it is perfectly normal to say “I’m tired” as a way to signal mental depletion without actually having to say what is happening. For example, when people tell me they are “tired,” I never ask questions; I just let them be.
The National Institute of Mental Health lists physical, cognitive, and emotional fatigue as possible symptoms of depression. When people say they are “tired,” they may not mean physically tired, but rather emotionally or cognitively. Sometimes, “I’m tired” is also the simplest way to describe feeling mentally or emotionally drained.
2. ‘I can’t deal with that right now’
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It happens to all of us. We are already busy doing what feels like a million things, then somebody asks for yet another favor, and it just becomes too much.
When people are already emotionally and mentally exhausted, sometimes a favor can seem like a big deal. Instead of letting their guard down and just admitting that they don’t have the emotional bandwidth for it, people who try to hide their exhaustion will just make it seem like they don’t have time for that one particular task at that moment.
3. ‘It’s not a big deal’
People who feel like they have to mask their inner thoughts may not feel comfortable showing when they are disappointed. They may have been taught from a young age that showing disappointment isn’t OK, or they may feel like they don’t have room for their own feelings when there’s already so much to handle. Instead of admitting that something hurt, they brush it off.
4. ‘I’ve got it. Don’t worry about me’
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A lot of people who are barely keeping it together are people-pleasers. According to psychotherapist Amy Morinpeople-pleasers tend to agree with others even when they don’t actually agree with them, take responsibility for other people’s emotions even when they shouldn’t, and apologize often and unnecessarily.
They may tell people not to worry because they don’t want to feel like a burden. But when they insist they’ve got everything handled, the people around them may not realize they could use some help. Speaking up for yourself is hard to learn how to do, but once you start, it makes your life significantly easier.
5. ‘I just need to get through this week’
People who hide their feelings may try their best to make it seem like they’re OK. Saying “I just need to get through this week” makes their exhaustion sound temporary, and they may genuinely hope things will feel easier soon.
But when they find themselves saying it week after week, it can become a way to put off admitting how overwhelmed they feel. It may also keep others from realizing that they need more support than one easier week can provide.
6. ‘Honestly, I don’t even know what I need’
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This is perhaps the most revealing phrase. Someone can be extremely competent at solving everyone else’s problems but not their own. They become so focused on other people that they completely forget about themselves. When prompted to convey what they need, they often struggle to find the words because they haven’t thought about it in so long.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.