New Delhi: Many times, after a fight with a loved one, the matter ends, but the mental troubles do not end. Even if the other person talks to you properly, apologizes or the matter gets resolved, the mind still remains entangled in the same thing. Time and again we start wondering why this happened, why I said this or why the other person said that thing. The matter is over but the mind is still focused on why all that happened and by thinking about this we create a different world in our mind. If this happens to you too, then if understood in simple language, it can be called an emotional hangover. This means that even after the fight or tension ends, its impact remains on the mind and thinking for some time.
Why does the mind remain troubled even after the fight is over?
During a fight, we don't just listen to what the other person says. His way of speaking, voice, anger and everything said also affects our mind. Like how angrily he spoke or even threw things here and there in anger. At that time we feel many types of emotions. Even though the atmosphere becomes calm after the conversation is over, the mind is not able to let go of that incident immediately. Because of this, the mind starts feeling heavy and one feels like thinking about the same conversation again and again. Sometimes even small arguments spoil the mood of the whole day.
Why do we remember the same things again and again?
When something hurts us a lot, our mind starts repeating it again and again. We keep thinking what I should have said at that time or why the other person did not try to understand what I said. He was driving his own bus, he would have listened to me too, what was my mistake, what had I said that the matter escalated to this extent. This anxiety increases further if the conflict ends without any clear outcome. Many questions remain in our mind and we keep searching for answers to those questions and that is why we keep remembering the same things again and again.
A fight also brings up old hurts
Many times today's fight is not just today's. During new arguments, old fights, old taunts or some such things also start coming to mind, which we were trying to forget for a long time but are not able to because they come to mind every time as if you had said something like this last time and the same thing is said again.
For example, suppose that some small thing about your partner bothers you more because some old incident related to it was already running in your mind or because you had not been able to forget that thing till now. Just because of this it seems that all the old things have come back together. In such a situation, instead of taking any big decision immediately, it is better to give yourself some time. And you should remain silent as much as possible otherwise the matter will escalate further or else you can get up from there and go and sit at some other peaceful place.
What does an emotional hangover feel like?
Every person's experience may be different. Some people feel uneasy and some don't feel like talking to anyone. Some people keep remembering the same conversation again and again. Apart from this, feeling heavy in mind, irritability, sadness, anger or thinking too much about the relationship. Some people get so lost in that thing that for two-four days they keep thinking why did this happen or what was my mistake and many more. It is not necessary that this happens after every fight, but if something touches the heart deeply then its effect can last for some time.
How to handle yourself after a fight?
First of all give yourself some time. It is not necessary to resolve everything immediately after a fight. When the anger and sadness subsides, it becomes easier to talk. And the other person also understands you and both are able to understand where the mistake happened. Only then will you be able to find a solution so that the same mistake does not happen again.
When talking to your partner, try to express your feelings instead of making direct accusations. As, "you always do this" instead of saying "I felt very bad about that" Saying can keep the conversation more calm. When you feel very angry, you can sit alone for some time, take a walk, drink water or talk to a trusted friend, which will make you feel lighter.
When to understand that the matter is not limited to just one quarrel?
If your mind remains disturbed for a long time after every small talk, you feel afraid of talking in a relationship or you feel stressed and uneasy again and again, then it should not be ignored. It is possible that there is something in the relationship which both of them have not tried to understand or solve properly. In such a situation, talking to each other calmly can be helpful. If you feel the need, you can also take the help of a counselor. It is normal to have differences in relationships. Every fight does not mean a bad relationship. But it is equally important to understand the impact that remains on the mind after the fight is over. Sometimes it is necessary to take care of yourself before taking care of the relationship.